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2005 August:

I can read you like a book, but sometimes the pages are blank
you are my reflection in the spiritualo mirror, and I am yours
you know I am a lier, you hear me speak lies and accept them
I hear you do the same and wonder where the lies come from
I always thought the mirror only spoke the truth between us
You told me it was wrong to lie and then lied yourself
lied to yourself, but not to me, took away the fan to see
that my hak was not through my own hands its is ours
yet my right is as equal as yours so what's fairer now
I want you in my life and you are there backing away
I ask for forgiveness and beg and beg and beg
do I come back to you when you don't come up for me
I remember now that God is real and that you are
who does that leave me as though? Who am I?
Am I a man or a woman? Am I both and yet one?
I have been a male waning, woman posted
I lied and died and now I have returned
where did we go, where did we wonder wrongness
did I become sick of you, lose faith and fall
did you come bearing a box to take from me
some part of me now in your hands
you to proclaim out loud
I want you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and yet in the mirror this is your want
and i accept that and tell you it's also mon
m on behind a two way mirror
one side has me and the other has me
one side has you and the other has two
in the fore is us both
you looking at half of yourself in me
me looking at all of myself in you
but mine eyes are unclear
because you are my god
and your faith in me
is a reflection of my faith in you
and we together have it all
just now not echoes of to-come
rather reverbs of has-been
and we are so close reaching near
even now you are here
here hole ding
and I don't wear my Y
only because yours is part apart
and we expect it, us both the same
expect the veils to crumble and dissolve
fall off us both at the same time
now
with no right to demand it occurs
we await its happening from you
and I'm slowly being tortured
by the one whom
claims slight betterness bitterly
you stand next to me
all high and might-e showing me her
and not showing me you
I see myself and I see her
and I look at her and try finding you
and it, you can't be found until
you allow yourself my equality
until I allow me yours
which has been and now is
even now
even, oddly enough
provide for me
I haven't the strength
its always been yours to give
and giving is not asking taking
giving is easy you're good at it
if and else and or mean faith
love and trust are one and the same
blind trust, you're taking from me
by saying some part of us causes it
giving it providing doubt along with it
I avoid flying with you
you tell me I'm not good enough for you
when I decide now is
why do you throw up a wall another test
I used to know how to climb over your walls
I used to know how to get thru your defenses
and how to look past your offences
and see that theres nothing you can do
to stop me from trusting the true you
the love I feel is strong enough
but now I am differnt
I'm not the old me you once knew
I find you threw up a four fence
and It hurts so much I wonder if
if maybe theres someone else out there
someone how it may not even possibly be
but if it were i might lose you forever
I might let you go, let go of me
and choose someone else
and be happier
I can't stand the fense
I die inside a little more every time

I say stop holding onto me so tightly
I'd say you're why I learned to build fences
You taught me how to be closed minded
and I never would or wished for that skill
for thats kill
now that I know how, I accept it and hold it tightly
to show you that if you kill me, I'll kill you
to test my own resolve I ask you to change it
and when you refuse to change to grow with me
two grows on me more tightly and four loses footing
all the while all you had was adamancy
i am the way things are
but things are NOT the way I'm being
if they were, they'd be constantly changing
becoming new again around us, in us, for us
allowing us to see thay really are our reflection
both mine and yours, not just ours or mine and theirs

If I take all of this to its root, to our roots
there is nothing, no terms, no words, no sounds, no symbols
no differentiation of one feeling from or for another
when we were there at that place, you wouldn't judge
there was no balance or scale or measure and aum
wonderful chaos, so cha!

You! You are! and I don't wanna be your reflection
I don't wanna be the surface of your pain the screaming
the point where soft becomes hard and found becomes lost
I arrived at a hate then, a hot passionate NOOOOOOO!
and found it to be correct, found that its was the way
is the way, that special no part of us where we bounce
and come back from our journey away from ourself
only I saw myself twice then, where I was
where I am I could not see
where I was gone from was where you are
and I could not bear you for sending
because your truth was too sharp
your heart hurt my heart
theres a nooooo built in theres a where
theres no no in mine but an shell of
those nos tattered and clinging

it hurts in your heart, I hurt around mine
as if you built your heart around the word no
and I built mine around the word yes
the closer i get you become more and more of away
and the furthur you get away the closer you come
I can't live this way I don't know how to change
and I woudnt change my yes because I se y at my root
I say why!?!?!? and you say N-O! and I can't seem
to get behind your no, within your no, to break it
you made your no so strong it became me in mine
you gave it to me I don't know why anymore
an y me or... ..
.