2018 January:

2015 September:

2009 August:

2009 February:

2009 January:

2008 December:

2008 November:

2008 September:

2008 March:

2008 January:

2007 December:

2007 November:

2007 September:

2007 August:

2007 June:

2007 May:

2007 April:

2007 March:

2006 December:

2006 August:

2006 May:

2006 April:

2006 March:

2005 December:

2005 November:

2005 October:

2005 September:

2005 August:

so everything on the outside
is a reflection of the inside
and the words all stand for some game
an attempt ad forcing an issue
the fear factor of ass ending
how to high does one ass end
why is it so import
you keep pushing me
and trying to force me
though you don't seem to
have the balls to
make it happen
you know i am aware
you fairly try
and from a cell phone
you talk to me
and wont tell me why
everything about your actions
is a tug of war in time
and here we sit tied together
yet you have all the strings
and won't pull mine
I'd say I'm upset
I'd say this game such as it is
sucks and I quit, but I already did
what you want is my reinstatement
or something completely unwordable
but as a child in the world
no bull am I, I'm a fawn
and you want me do you?
how completely?
it seems you can't allow
the lower half to go on
and she fear her death
why should she?
she was here before me
and withinway me and you
tae yet I eat
if its all about ass
and the truth is the hole
the lack of a thing
the missing the none
than we are not one
we are zero
we're none
at least, or at most
it seems thats what you want
or is o riscome to meying
why do I ask
seems you ask me to tell
yet you, yes you
playing yann
say we will do it together
though from afar
you pretend as if
there is someone on the phone
that you need the object
to speak to the subject
and then reject me
not because of what I type now
but beuntil cause somehow
when you face me
I am not what you want of me
I am not the right vibe
I'm the ebiv
the ebb i.v.
at le east
thats what you ought see
what you want seen
the same as me
we want the same thing
yet you're doing the leading
all these days
at the time I was sure
what is untill?
whats unsow?
if there is no truth to time
then why the days for letting go
why the need to tease
seems like subtle rape
all the same
I'm being had, being raked
being told that everything matters
yet judged as a flake
and now, I'm nobody
in the face of my own reflection
yes I can shut my eyes
and see only the dark
but why would you judge me
I have to work so hard
just to pull up
just to feel weightless
just to let go of fear
and it seems so easy for you
because you're everyone everywhere
and I'm just me, one
I've got one face, one body one
inside, feeling, and will
why do I have to elevate
in first place my mind
is a product of youre teaching
and you had the choice
the shape me different
from the s
tart
the beginning
I in some ways resent you
resent the choices
the things I'm asked to let go of
for they should not have been offered
were they not within me
they would not have been
available to me
and they would not
come to me again
to choose or evict
you say so many things
in so many ways
you have the entire shape bent
backwrds and insideout
you owe me nothing
and I'd say I owe you it all
yet it's none of it mine
forgiving or taking
yet somehow nothing gives
and I don't know myself
anymore than I know you
you aren't one person
yet you're not every person
you're playing both sexes
and you're playthings objective
and everything you seek is nothing
but feelings hold it all out

its strange if i make the phrase
and you read it in my mind
or heart or wherever this art
comes from, you
it's like you feed me yourself
and allow me to flower you into being
yet since you sourced the self to me
you know what it/you will become before
I can raise eyes and see myself
in the hinge

I would ask how to succeed
yet you hint that this is only the beginning
and yet you also hint
that once I go back
once I meet you in the v alley
the the necessity of whatever
will no longer be the same
that a fog I cant see
a mist or a cloud or a haze
and all an illusion
one that says I'm sleeping
yet awake

im frustrated
youre frustrated
were frustrated together
were happy apart
were happy together
yet we're never truly together are we
since you're holding the balance
and on both sides is you
and i don't know where I am
nor where you are
i feel inside the shell
the ghost
the snake the weight
the of inside
and from eyes the if
the greg me body i used to be
until i learned
somehow i learned
it waas alwayys you
is always you
the be yinfae
the dualsex two
the one and one both in and out
the me-you-you-me-we

you make the feelings grow
you control where they flow and how
the intensity and color
its always been you
putting us where you thought
our heart was
and our heart is what you lead
you le ad le ada le adag le ga da
yet these are symbols
and means to telepathize
and wheres is the collective
on the inside besides the feel
the metal method
the you you you fire it up
and teach me what you want
from inside
you see my difficulty with the out
you've watched me trial and error
you've cheered da oh but so little
where have you been all my life?
why not teach me this all
so long ago so many years
i've felt alone
surrounded by my own ignorance
yet you've been watching me
and guiding me
and scolding me
and holding me
yet not until now
have you ever tried to show yourself
back in the past
when i was a child in body and mind
did you ever wonder at the shape of me
given the idea of a slight change in path

father father father father
please forgive me
i forge