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2005 August:

Who am I to correct anyone?
Everyone seems to be doing fine.
The lessons are clear enough and we ignore them
The consequences of actions stand visibly lucid

You want a leader, a chief some part of me I lost
to stand up from this dream and take charge
and reshape the state of airs and firestick
you've shown me the way, the yah way yet for what?
if you're unwilled by me to change won't you?
do you need me to force your hand and growl?

It seems so, it seems like the trial is too tough
the challenge too bold and the rewards lacking
though it's really quite a simple thing
one wonders how it came to this point
if things had gone different, if, if
and one flusters at the amount of effort
the days and nights sent me fortresses
solitude and pages of lessons yet not
turns out the only thing I've ever read
was my own story, reiterated and echoed
and yawn, it brings me to boredom
I've hardly an emotional tie to myself
and my parents won't make themself known
even though I ask it, I beg of them
they seem not to know themselves
as anything other than reflections

what means it to look at the tribe
and see them having been hid there
all my life is a dream more nightmares
and my nightmares turn out to be less
not more

If this entire life was designed
as methodical pull me from the closet
to let go of the difference between man
and woman, of wet holes and dry holes
if we are all the same and yet
this is ONLY my lesson to learn
you all know who I have been
you all know who you want me to be
and you all are the faithful tribe
offering help only when asked
though never being bold enough
to show your true selves to me
only showing iterations of my untrue self
I find it hard to stand up lonely
surrounded by unfamiliar faces
yet somehow familiar spirits, souls

learning to ignore the selfishness
that echoes back at me, yet somehow
I can't seem to stand up
to stay standing up
where is the old me
the child, the chief, the fearless
where did the man you deserve go

all the world is competing for me
trying vieing hoping for my choice
so that we can go back to the start
which is really the end or i sit
and await rests with me my shadow
detached and heckling me
standing with its back to me
on one side and meditating
awaiting me to choose
to let go of the stare
and reach forth
and take body
and allow the story to disintegrate
to melt and crumble and dissolve
and we can be again what we once were
that thing which I forgot
yet you remember

who are you?
you world divided man into push and pou
or is it pooh bear when winnie
and I'm too much eor. sad and alone
surrounded by my solid self ere reflected
always closing the space between spaces
seeking for embraces but instead
backslashes

and every message, every omo
I wonder when it would be
and like heroes
a comic book fortells
future for me
unless I can get ahead of the game
surpass the speed of thought
and outrace my own bubbles
and surpass surprise
look into a multitude fo eyes
and come to recognize
that you're worth the prize
of discarding this human shell
this disguise, my guise

I've added one wing, the female wing
and half is done, of this class
this grade one
and yet even as she walks
winging another, she wings me
for he would be my second wing
and yet, he is she, they are the same
and I'm lost again in the story game

the past and future the not-now go
anne other nothing but a gentil flow
and you want members ruling heart
and five to let go
fight the hinge for hunger
and let the old urges go
so the older true urges
those forgotten ones
can come back
and shine as suns

though as the dawn comes
the old me awakes
and sees the faces
and returns to his books
his movies
his studying
his trying to remember
trying to clean up his mind
trying to shake off the skepticism
to unleash the wolf, the elf
the fearless two
use the materials
and be confident

you know my thoughts before I do
you designed them and me too
you speak to yourself
you are you

anned.