PARENTS CAN TAKE STEPS TO KEEP THEIR KIDS OFF DRUGS

Teens offer sobering advice for parents of their peers: Wake up and smell
the booze and the weed. Your sons and daughters are experimenting right
under your nose, and you can catch them in time to help when it's easier -
but you've got to open your eyes.

"I think some parents are myopic," says James. He is one of the teens and
young adults who have been recreational users or formed dependencies but
now are sober and in a Teens in Control recovery program offered through
the Lake Monona Psychotherapy and Recovery Center. Several teens and young
adults in the program agreed to interviews to shed a little light on
parents in the dark about drugs. (We're using first names only for those
who are underage.) Their firsthand observations are backed up by experts in
the field.

STEP 1: Forget stereotypes of drug users.

"It's all social groups - jocks, preps, skateboarders. There's no group
that's not doing it. There's no defining characteristic," James says. You
can't look at a student's achievements and assume he would never use drugs
and alcohol, says James, a varsity athlete and honor student.

Use cuts across all racial and socioeconomic classes, says John Hicks,
deputy director of the Centers for Prevention and Intervention (CPI) in
Madison.

STEP 2: Recognize that drugs and alcohol are accessible and - to a large
degree - acceptable among teens.

While some students experiment in middle school, it's far more common to
drink and smoke marijuana late in freshman year of high school, says James.
"By the end of sophomore year, just about everyone does."

The Dane County Youth Commission's 2000 survey shows more like a third of
the sophomore class experimenting, but Shelly Dutch, a therapist who works
with the teens interviewed here, suspects that James' estimate is more
accurate. Teens under-report their use, she says, because they're afraid
surveys won't remain confidential.

STEP 3: Get informed.

While alcohol and marijuana are the substances teens abuse most often, Sara
says, "I think Ecstasy's becoming more of a problem." Ecstasy
(methylenedioxy amphetamine) - also called XTC, Adam and MDMA - is a
hallucinogenic.

Cocaine use is more prevalent among affluent teens, Colin says.

Among the other drugs Dane County youth have experimented with are LSD
(acid), Ketamine (Special K), GHB (Liquid Ecstasy) and Methamphetamine (speed).

STEP 4: Don't be naive about parties.

The teens describe Friday and Saturday nights as high school party nights,
and marijuana and alcohol as refreshments of choice.

"It's more a culture - to fit in," James says.

Be wary about sleepovers, he says, especially when your teen calls just
before curfew to say he's planning to stay over at a friend's house.

Barb Hornik, a parent educator with Family Enhancement, also cautions
parents about parties in hotels and motels. Usually unsupervised, they
often include alcohol and drug use, she says.

STEP 5: Ask questions before teens leave home.

Sara tells parents to find out what their teens will be doing with whom,
when and where. Just having to explain can have an effect, she and James agree.

"If you're going to care enough to think about your kids, you have to put
some effort into it," Colin says. "If my parents didn't care, I'd be in the
gutter."

STEP 6: Be alert when they return.

"You should be up when they come home," James says.

"Are they coherent? Can they stand up straight? Can they put a sentence
together? Just being up and talking to them, that's enough of a deterrent."

Colin says, "Check their breath. You can nail 'em."

STEP 7: Watch for signs and symptoms.

The main signs are skipping school, drops in grades and changes in friends,
Dutch says.

CPI's list also includes:

- -Significant changes in behavior, appearance, mood or motivation.

- -Money missing or unaccounted for.

- -Lots of unexplained colds, nausea, red or watery eyes.

- -Avoidance talking about activities or whereabouts, lying.

- -Unfamiliar smells on breath or clothing, use of incense.

- -Odd small containers, baggies or short sections of straws in pockets,
purses, etc.

STEP 8: Allow time for cooling down and sobering up.

Don't confront teens while they're still high and you're incredibly angry,
advises Hornik.

"Keep your own anger under control," she says. "A lot of times, our kids
focus on our anger and not on their behavior."

Some parents rush to call the police if they find drugs in their homes.
"Parents need to understand the consequences if they do make that call,"
Dutch says. Your son or daughter's age, record and the amount of drugs
could mean anything from a ticket for possession, which could serve as a
deterrent for a first-time user, to being jailed, which would delay treatment.

STEP 9: Take their use seriously.

"Don't take a passive assurance from them - 'Oh, it's just a little pot,'"
Hornik says.

And don't let it go too long, James says. "You're walking a thin line."

Matt started smoking marijuana at age 11 and went from recreational use to
dependence in a couple of months.

Dutch explains how that can happen: "The quality of marijuana is much more
potent than it was back in the '60s." It's also more accessible and some
users are smoking two to four times a day, she says. Frequent use of a
powerful drug speeds up dependence or addiction, which she defines as a
preoccupation with the substance, a loss of control and continued use in
spite of adverse consequences. A ticket for drunken driving at age 15 was
one adverse consequence for Matt Julian of Middleton, now 18. His parents,
he recalls, thought his actions fell in the realm of normal behavior. "They
thought I was in the wrong place at the wrong time," he says. They were
unaware of the alcohol poisoning he suffered that same week. "It was a bad
week," says Julian.

STEP 10: Get past your shame and seek professional help.

"If parents find out about a kid using drugs or drinking, there's a lot of
help," says Dutch's assistant, J.D. Stier, 23, Madison. "You shouldn't feel
it's the end of the world."

Even if you just suspect something, take action, Hicks says. "Call somebody
- - call the CPI hotline (246-7600). There's no such thing as an overreaction
when you're concerned about your child's welfare."

An assessment can serve as a good early intervention opportunity, says Beth
Boyle, a clinical social worker for University Hospital and Clinics. She
assesses youth through the UW Adolescent Alcohol and Other Drug Abuse
Intervention Program, which includes four meetings and concludes with a
referral for education or treatment that could include outpatient or
inpatient programs.

STEP 11: Don't let "experimenting" teens off too easy.

Boyle says clinicians at the UW assessment program remind families about
parenting basics: "If they break rules, there are consequences - grounding,
pulling the driver's license, random drug testing. That way you're
communicating to your kid that this is not OK."

"You have to punish them," James says. "A scolding from Ma and Pa won't work."

While loss of car privileges may be appropriate, James and Dutch both
caution against taking away positive activities such as sports. Without
that, James says, "I don't have anything to do but drink."

STEP 12: Remember that relapses happen. So does recovery.

Charlie Deadman was 13 when he started smoking pot, 15 when he tried acid
and 18 when he became a "serious" coke addict. "I was probably putting $300
to $400 a day up my nose," he says. He paid for his habit by dealing. He
also paid by spending 3 months in jail for burglary and three months in an
inpatient program, after which he relapsed.

Inpatient programs of a week to a couple of months aren't enough for most
youth, Dutch says. "The recidivism rate for teens is huge. Statistics
recommend adolescents be in some kind of treatment for a minimum of a year
to include after-care groups, individual counseling and self-help groups."

Now 21, Deadman has been sober for 1 months and attends a Teens in Control
group. "He hasn't given up, and he's really sticking with it," says Dutch.
"With treatment and AA groups, he feels like he's really going to make it."

Others are making it, too.

James will mark his third month of sobriety in a couple of weeks.

Matt has been straight for 8 months.

Sara has been clean for 8 months.

Colin has been sober for 2 months.

Matt Julian has been sober for 11 months and still attends Teens in
Control. He's a student in culinary arts at Madison Area Technical College.

J.D. Stier has remained sober for three years. Besides assisting Dutch,
he's a student at Madison Area Technical College, plans to major in
philosophy at UW-Madison and later wants to attend law school.

Shelly Dutch, a former cocaine addict, has been sober for 18 years.