SURVIVING THE SEASON

Holidays Really Hard For Recovering Addicts

The holiday season is not all peace, joy and twinkling lights. Just ask a
recovering addict.

"There's so much to do - shopping, working, and not enough time in the day.
What triggers me is that when I was high, I didn't need the eight to 10
hours of sleep I need now," said Janeen Moore, 23, who is recovering from
an addiction to crystal methamphetamine.

Addiction counselors say family and friends should be on the alert to
support loved ones needing help. And anyone feeling the temptation of an
addiction should not be afraid to reach out, experts say. Nor should those
who succumb. After all, 'tis the season for overindulgence.

To help, Tucson-area chapters of Alcoholics Anonymous will offer their
annual Alcathon - 28 hours of non-stop meetings over Christmas and New
Year's for people feeling the urge to revert to old ways. And that urge can
be strong, especially now.

"There's a lot of stress and expectations around the holidays. We all want
it to be a wonderful life, and oftentimes it's not a wonderful life," said
W. Mark Clark, chief executive officer of CODAC Behavioral Health Services
Inc. CODAC operates Las Amigas, a residential drug treatment program for
low-income women and their children.

"For the general substance- abusing population, it's a very difficult time
of year. For people in very early recovery, it's almost lethal. They are
like ducks out of water," said Tom Doran, manager of outpatient services
for The Mark, a local facility for people with chemical dependencies.

"And around the holidays people feel on a much deeper level, for good and
ill. They think about old impasses, relationships they've had with siblings
and parents that for one reason or another never worked out."

Moore, a mother of two, says she's aiming to get through the holiday season
sober with help from her family and friends and the self- confidence she
gained during a recent nine-month stay in the Las Amigas program.

One of four women who graduated Nov. 30 from Las Amigas, Moore was a member
of the largest graduating class that staff members at the 16- bed treatment
center can recall. Graduating classes are small because addicts are a tough
group to treat. Graduates must have a proven track record of sobriety -
usually for a year.

"I was going to cook crystal meth for the rest of my life. That was my big
goal," Moore said. The only sober Christmas she can recall was last year,
when she was living at Las Amigas without her two children.

She's now living out of rehab with her children. During difficult times,
when she thinks about going back to drugs, she reminds herself of the low
points of an addiction that began when she was 12.

Herlinda Bustamante remembers the low times only too well.

The 35-year-old mother of nine has memories of Christmases on the streets
looking for cocaine.

"What I remember is very blurry. There were no gifts or kids or family
around," she said. "This year for the holidays I want to see smiles on my
kids' faces. Everyone I know is still using drugs and still partying.
That's my challenge, to stay away from that."

Bustamante finally sought help for her cocaine addiction after her youngest
son, Tommy, was born addicted. Bustamante was part of the recent Las Amigas
graduating class. She spent 13 months living at the treatment center.

Like other addicted mothers, Bustamante went through long periods without
her children, who were in the care of relatives at various times. She
served four years in prison, was in jail and lived on the streets.

Sharon Atkins, a 35-year-old mother of six, says she has been sober since
September 1999 - long enough to know it's better than her former life as a
crack addict. She used to spend as much as $300 a day to support her habit,
which she began in 1992.

"I only stay around people who are clean and sober now," she said. "I broke
up our family when I was an addict. I never want to do that again."

Moore says that in the past, Christmas was "just another excuse to party."
She'd buy her two children gifts, and then leave them with her parents or
other relatives while she went to get high.

"I don't remember my daughter's first Christmas," she said. "I worked at
Wal-Mart, so I'd buy them gifts. But I remember coming home at 3 a.m. and
leaving like two hours later to go get high."

Moore, who is now working at a cafeteria and enrolled at Pima College, said
the fatigue she's feeling is difficult because when she was on crystal
methamphetamine she'd stay awake for days. But she also remembers being
hospitalized for kidney infections and dehydration, and spending time in jail.

She recently avoided a prison sentence for drug charges, but will be on
probation for the next seven years.

As a substance abuse counselor at Las Amigas, Michon Davies has seen people
both succeed in giving up drug and alcohol habits and fail to do so. She
likens treatment to going on a diet or giving up cigarettes - old habits
die hard.

"If you take something out, you have to put something positive in its
place. If you take out drugs and alcohol you've got to put something in its
place - a job, college, friends," she said.

Davies said the key is discipline, staying busy and allowing oneself to
enjoy the positives of being sober.

Moore believes she started using drugs as an escape, because she wanted to
be someone other than herself.

"I always wanted to be someone else's girlfriend, someone else's mom. In
Las Amigas I had to get to know myself. They don't let you hide from
yourself," she said.

"I know it's going to be an awesome Christmas. I'll know the presents I'm
buying my kids aren't stolen, and they aren't bought with dope money.
Everything about it is going to be good, and I'll actually remember it."

(SIDEBAR)

Help Is Available

Resources for people battling addictions and overindulgence in drugs and
alcohol during the holidays:

Alcoholics Anonymous: 624-4183. AA will offer an Alcathon, beginning at
noon Christmas Eve, Dec. 24, and continuing through 4 p.m. Christmas Day,
Dec. 25, in the Arizona Ballroom, 5536 E. Grant Road, near Craycroft.

Narcotics Anonymous: 881-8381

Information and Referral: 881-1794

Help On-Call Crisis Line: 323-9373

The Mark: 326-6182

Community Partnership of Southern Arizona: 318-6950

Las Amigas and Las Hermanas/CODAC Behavioral Health Services: 882-5898 or
327-4505.

Holiday Wish List

CODAC Behavioral Health Services' Las Amigas and Las Hermanas homes for
pregnant and parenting women with substance abuse problems has a holiday
wish list. Among items the homes need are infant seat rockers, crib
mobiles, burp cloths, books, diapers, cribs, pillows, sheets and bath
towels. For information, contact Marta McKenna, program coordinator of Las
Amigas, at 882-5898, or Diana Whitman, CODAC development director, at
327-4505, ext. 1083.