BEDSIDE STORIES THE JUNIOR DOCTOR OFFERS PRINCE HARRY SOME SAGE ADVICE ON
THE USE AND ABUSE OF DRUGS

Dear Harry,

Your dad's asked me to have a word with you about this drugs business, and
seeing as how you're a prince and everything, I guess I can let you in on a
few secrets. By now you've probably worked out that you're not the only
teenager in the world ever to get beered up and smoke a few jazz cigarettes.

And you obviously thought the people in that drugs clinic you politely
smiled your way through were a million miles away from you and your friends.

Maybe.

Dope won't make your balls shrink, it won't make you grow breasts, it won't
make you mad, it won't make you stupid and it won't make you into a raging
smack-head. It might make you a bit of a lazy teenager if you do it every
day, as you know, but you probably think that the worst thing about
cannabis is that you can get busted for it, like they've been unhelpfully
threatening you with.

You're almost right. A hundred thousand peaceful dope smokers get busted
every year, under that "misuse" of drugs act, and have their career plans
ruined by a criminal record. Lots of them then wind up moaning in GP
clinics about their crap lives, but in your line of work, whatever that's
supposed to be, I suppose that might not be a problem.

The thing is, Harry, you've got to learn to spot the difference between
drug use and drug abuse early in life these days. Not everyone who drinks
is an alcoholic. Dope doesn't lead to heroin any more than alcohol leads to
darts, and anyone who tells you otherwise just doesn't understand
statistics: surveys might show that people who smoke cigarettes have more
sex, but when I want a shag, I don't go out and optimistically cane my way
through 40 Rothmans.

Here's the point. I can still remember the day my best friend came home and
said, "I've had a shit day: I need a spliff." At the time, I'd almost have
preferred it if he'd charged into the kitchen and shouted, "Hey, I've got a
big bag of evil class As, everyone, and I plan to have some fun." I don't
know if I stand by that, after what I've seen, but I know that was the
first time I ever worried about drugs.

Because using drugs to cope is a really bad one to get on, and it creeps up
on unhappy people. I can see now that how and why you use drugs is much
more important than which ones you use, and you've been through the mill,
Harry, old boy. I reckon maybe you're at risk.

Smoking dope might be a poor predictor of heroin use and alcoholism, but
I'll tell you some good ones: loss of a parent; parental discord;
disjointed home life; stress; no direction. And I'll tell you some more bad
signs: taking drugs and drinking on bad feelings, self-medicating to try
and make them go away; drinking or taking drugs secretively. And its worse
that you have to, because you don't get proper advice or sensible role models.

And here's a good one: getting properly out of your head, and being
unimaginatively abusive. There is no excuse for calling one of the pub
workers a "fucking frog". Bad scene.

Don't get confused, Harry. You're an opinion former and a role model. Just
because every right-thinking person these days thinks alcohol and cannabis
should be available without prohibition handing the market over to
gangsters and locking up nice innocent people, that doesn't mean they're
necessarily harmless.

And likewise, just because drug use has its dangers, that doesn't mean we
should let individual users and society blame all their problems on them.

I've lost count of the number of drug abusers (and that's abusers not
users) who've said, "It's the dealers, doc, I blame the pushers." Arse.
People have problems. And they can have them with alcohol, heroin, cannabis
or tranquillisers from their doctor.

I'm not going to tell you that drugs are bad, because you'll just look at
me like I'm your dad in that clinic, and ignore every word I say. But
you've just got to watch yourself, Harry. Because everybody else is. It's
best that you don't take drugs and alcohol, but if you really have to, at
least do it sensibly, for everyone's sake. And if you ever need a chat,
find a nice sensible doctor.

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