ABSTINENCE A WISE CHOICE, BUT NOT ALL WILL CHOOSE IT

Let's talk about sex.

Not like that, you pervert.

Sex is much in the news these days, what with Colin Powell ticking off
cultural conservatives by advocating condoms as a way of preventing
sexually transmitted disease. And locally, there was a rally for abstinence
where teens were urged not just to avoid sex, but to be "pure" --like Ivory
Soap.

Which, incidentally, was once pitched by future porn queen Marilyn
Chambers. Some day, I'll have to talk to my kid about sex. I'm sure I'll
stutter and stammer, and he'll look at me, roll his eyes and think: As if
this guy's ever had sex in his life.

But I'm determined to tell him a few things --that there's only one sure
way to avoid getting someone pregnant, and only one sure way to avoid
catching something, and that way is abstinence.

On that one, the conservatives have it exactly right.

But I'd never mislead him. And in reviewing some conservative arguments
against premarital sex, I can't help but notice what I consider to be a lot
of misleading statements --if not outright lies.

For example, prior to the local abstinence rally, a local pastor involved
in the rally said, "No one's ever glad that they had sex before marriage."

Huh?

Listen, some of the guys in my college fraternity had sex before breakfast,
let alone marriage. Many of them are now married with kids of their own,
and they'd never recommend such behavior. But at the time, they quite
enjoyed themselves.

So to make that blanket statement --that no one, ever, has enjoyed such
shenanigans --is simply incorrect.

Then why do we say it? Maybe because we want kids to believe it --for if
they believe it, they'll avoid premarital sex. And everyone is better off.

In other words, the end justifies the means.

Personally, I think honesty is a better policy.

Which is why I thought Powell's comments on MTV --that "In my own judgment,
condoms are a way to prevent infection, and, therefore, I support their
use" --were appropriate.

But cultural conservatives say Powell is in effect encouraging kids to have
sex. And they point out that condoms aren't foolproof --you can get
diseases, you can even get pregnant, when you use a condom.

That's true, but it misses a larger point. Which is that ultimately, people
are going to have sex. And when that happens, they --all of us --are better
off it they take some measure to protect themselves.

Powell's critics want the government to talk only of abstinence. They want
the government to deny that there are other choices --or to exaggerate the
consequences of those choices.

Well, they can do what they want with their own kids. They can tell them
premarital sex results in spontaneous human combustion, for all I care.

But when it comes to my kid, I'm going to be a little more realistic. I'll
push abstinence. But we'll also talk about what happens if abstinence
doesn't work out. I'll hope he makes the right choice.

But if he doesn't, I'd rather he be safe than sorry.