LOOK, THE STORY IS NOT THE KID AND THE KID'S JACKET, IT'S THE DOG AND THE
DOG'S NOSE.

Never mind the kid's suspension, has the dog's nose been suspended?

St. Matthew High School, a day like any other day, when in comes the cop
and his dog to sniff around for weapons and drugs at the request of the
school, which is the legal right of the school, and the dog and his nose go
into an empty classroom and the dog and his nose come out of the classroom
carrying the ski jacket of Chris Laurin, 15, the dog's nose being of the
trained-nosed belief it smelled marijuana on the ski jacket of Chris Laurin.

Chris Laurin's ski jacket was not suspended from school, but Chris Laurin
was, even though Chris Laurin denies he or his ski jacket had anything to
do with drugs, and then Chris Laurin's father gets into the act, hiring a
lawyer to fight the suspension and to demand an apology.

The father of Chris Laurin says "Chris chose to become an advocate for
youth," and I say oh, blah, blah, blah, and the father of Chris Laurin
criticizes the lockdown rule that permits unexpected school searches for
weapons and drugs, and I say oh, blah, blah, blah. If you're innocent, it's
a small price to pay to keep our schools drugs-free and weapons-free and
all parents should want this preventive maintenance, or have we already
forgotten the tragic unexpected of recent history?

Having said this, it was asinine of the school board to arbitrarily suspend
Chris Laurin when there were no drugs discovered in his ski jacket despite
the experienced, veteran nose of the German shepherd dog whose name is Thunder.

In the interest of the reputation of Thunder's nose, it must also be
revealed his nose did sniff out an illegal drug of another at St. Matthew,
with a charge laid.

NO POT TO SNIFF

As for the ski jacket of Chris Laurin, the vice-principal of St. Matthew
said he, himself, sniffed the ski jacket, was not able to smell any pot,
and, while this could very well be because there was no pot to sniff, I'd
put my money on a dog's nose over a human's nose.

My late dog's nose could sniff a frying mushroom half way across town.

But, as I said, the investigative focus of this national crisis must be the
dog.

I was able to land an exclusive interview with the dog, his answers
translated into English through state-of-the-art technology:

Thunder, why did you drag out the ski jacket of Chris Laurin?

"First of all, I want to thank Jesus Christ my Lord and Saviour for the
opportunity to give my side. Look, did I say I smelled pot? Maybe what I
smelled was Old Spice underarm deodorant."

Sheesh, you dragged out the ski jacket because you smelled Old Spice
underarm deodorant?

NO BOOTIES

"No, I dragged out the ski jacket because I was %$#@ cold. Hey, c'mon, I'm
getting on, the cold bothers me, and yet they still have me going around
naked. No body sock, no booties.

"So I sees this nice jacket and I'm thinking, 'Holy Rin-Tin-Tin, that'll
keep me nice and warm,' and the next thing you know it becomes a drug scandal."

So, really, you were stealing?

"Stealing, shmealing. You want a real story? Talk to the other dogs in my
unit about how we have to go around in the winter freezing. You get only so
many cojones in life."

You defend your nose, then?

"Listen, punk, hide 16 different vegetables around the city and I'll find
them within 45 minutes. I've got trophies, I've got plaques. Hide a
jockstrap in Venezuela? I'll be across the border in a flash, have that
sucker before sundown. Don't start dissing my nose, pal."

Are you concerned that your nose's reputation is being tarnished?

"Hey, are you concerned that your brain isn't activated? Of course I'm
concerned. This could end my nose's career. What nose wants to go out like
this? I've got a call into the Humane Society. I need a good lawyer. Know
any good lawyers?"