URINE TROUBLE, BUDDY

"Pssst ... hey, Buddy, got a drug test you wanna beat?

"Wanna buy some urine? Pristine stuff?"

A couple of weeks ago, the Supreme Court in Washington refused to review
Kenneth Curtis's challenge of a 1999 South Carolina law that made urine
sales illegal.

His appeal asked for permission to sell his own urine as part of a business
that caters to people who are trying to beat drug tests.

Yup, for just $69 US (sigh), you get this guy's drug-free urine, along with
a small pouch, tubing and a warming packet.

The release says his Web site promises buyers "can use our kit in a natural
urinating position ... and you cannot be detected even if directly observed."

Now, my beef is not with him selling his urine. Hardly a lethal substance.
Talk about easy money.

He would have you believe his mission is a noble one, to protect citizens'
privacy from the "piss police" as he describes them, the corporations et
al. who snoop in your bod.

While that happens, I'm with the good guys on this one, "A statute making
it unlawful to defraud a drug test furthers the public purpose of ensuring
a drug-free workplace," South Carolina Chief Justice Jean Toal wrote.
"Furthermore, the public purpose of creating safety in the workplace
outweighs any legitimate interest, if any, of Curtis doing business."

While his product may prevent the odd potential corporate "victim" from
being discriminated against unfairly (perhaps revealing the use of a legit
prescription drug and invading private medical history), generally Curtis's
pee-phernalia enables both those who pose no performance risk to someone
whose drug habits may cost lives to cheat the system and go undiscovered.
Says that's not his intent, but who's to stop it from happening?

If he eventually prevails and ends up on the Shopping Channel, I'm moving
to Mars.

Ditto if it doesn't warm up soon.

Then again ... come do your thing on our weather, Curtis, my boy, and all
will be forgiven.