WHERE THERE'S SMOKE THERE'S A GOOD COP

Maybe Mike Zacharella had a stomach virus and needed to smoke a joint to
alleviate his nausea.

Or maybe the Montclair police officer felt the need to chill out from a
tough day of fighting crime with a comfy armchair and a doob.

Whatever the reason, Zacharella tested positive for marijuana on a random
drug test administered by the Professional Standards Office. He is now
suspended without pay from his duties at the Montclair Police Department.

"Under attorney general guidelines," said Police Chief David Harman, "this
is grounds for dismissal."

No, this is a shame.

Although our paths have only crossed on a couple of friendly occasions, I
don't know Zacharella, so I can only go by what his colleagues have to say
about him.

Their descriptions all have "good guy" and "good cop" in common.

Now, though, this described "good cop" could lose his job because he smoked
a little pot.

Please.

For every good cop who goes out and does a real tough job then heads home
to relax, there are too many cops who think nothing of dusting off their
shift with enough legalized alcohol to stagger out of a bar and into their car.

Like Officer Joseph Gray.

If you haven't heard by now, Gray is the veteran New York City cop who
downed something like 13 beers last Aug. 4., then drove his minivan into
three people in Brooklyn.

All three were killed, including a 24-year-old pregnant woman. Doctors
tried to deliver the unborn baby through a Cesarean section, but the baby
died 12 hours later.

Last week during his trial, Gray's defense was as idiotic as he was.

"I wasn't drunk," he testified.

Guess Gray thought the prosecution was offering up his I.Q. as evidence
when they pointed out that his blood-alcohol level was nearly twice the
legal .10 limit.

Of course, Gray is an extreme case, which is undoubtedly why a jury
convicted him of second degree manslaughter on Friday.

But that's the point. Every day there are people who drink themselves into
extreme stupidity.

There are even those who knock people over the head and rob them for their
next legal drink. Happens all the time. Just ask any cop.

Yet, when's the last time you heard of a pot smoker who cracked somebody
upside the head so they could get that next illegal toke?

My guess is never.

Give a pot smoker a bag of chocolate chip cookies and a Grateful Dead
bootleg tape, and they're as lovey-dovey as your pet lap dog.

Then they go to sleep.

But cops, being the suspicious bunch that they are, probably questioned
Zacharella after his bad test came up.

I'm sure one of those questions went something like, "Was Mike high on the
job?"

My cousin, who headed up seek-and-destroy missions as a marine in Vietnam,
says that those who got high in Vietnam smoked at night so they could relax
without having to worry about floating into a sniper's bullet.

A cop has to be just as alert on the job as a soldier. Good cops, as
Zacharella is described, are particularly alert on the job.

Or, this one: "Wonder if Mike tipped off his pot connection to any drug busts?"

Cops are ruthless in their retaliation against a snitch. Doubtful if his
colleagues would be describing Zacharella in such glowing terms if they
thought that he had ratted them out.

But, then, some cops might be serving the public better by indulging in
those illegal plants now and then.

Namely, those three Montclair cops who have been in and out of court the
past two months for allegedly clubbing an epileptic man in the head during
an epileptic seizure.

It happened in January. According to members of the man's family, police
were called after the man's sister fell off a bed and hit her head against
the wall.

The three officers figured they were moving in on a domestic violence case.
When they entered the house, the epileptic, upset because his sister was
hurt, went into an epileptic seizure.

According to the man's attorney, one of the cops mistook the seizure for a
fight, clubbed the epileptic over the head, arrested him and led him out in
handcuffs.

The mother of the epileptic says the cop "was like a bulldog, like a
cowboy. It was horrible."

Which is why those cops, especially the "bulldog," sound as if they could
have benefited from a bong full of Maui Wowee.

Hey, nobody described Zacharella as "a bulldog" or "a cowboy."

All I heard was "good cop" and "good guy."

A good cop who apparently found a way to chill out from one of the most
stressful jobs you can find.

So, suspend him. After all, a failed drug test is a no-no in the Police
Department. Tell him not to do it again, then hope he learned a lesson.

But don't fire him.

This town needs all the good cops it can get to cover for the ones who are
in court for beating an epileptic over the head.

They're the ones they ought to test.