Music

BETWEEN ROCK 'N' ROLL AND HARD DRUGS

'Fucking rock 'n' roll and drugs go hand in hand, period," states
Hugh Dillon-current leader of the Hugh Dillon Redemption Choir and
former singer for the Headstones-matter-of-factly over the phone from
his home in Los Angeles. "I hate sounding like an old man, because if
somebody told me, 'well, you shouldn't ... '-fuck it, I loved it. At
the time, rock 'n' roll worked with drugs."

It's true that rock 'n' roll has a long and sordid past that is
intertwined with the use of intoxicating substances-just look at Guns
N' Roses or the Rolling Stones or even Elvis Presley-and there are
plenty of great rock 'n' roll albums that were created under the
influence of all manner of illicit substances.

But it's not like those records came together when a band said "hey,
let's shoot some smack and then write a masterpiece." No, like Dillon
says, the two things just go together, mainly because when a band
starts out, music isn't a full-time gig-and for many groups, it never
is. It's just a way to escape the realities of the work-or
school-week, much like friends getting together on the weekend for a
few drinks down at the pub.

Dillon admits that drugs and alcohol served as a social lubricant
during the early days of the Headstones, helping the creative process
along and reducing the nervousness of youth, but he also says that
the lifestyle ultimately catches up and dilutes the creative process.

Even with the best bands-the ones who manage to put out a solid
streak of great albums in a row-there tends to be a sudden and sharp
downswing in quality. Then there are those who manage only an album
or two of Grade A material before they are tapped out nearly from the
start. Dillon points out that the variables involved in sustaining
such a lifestyle are ultimately too much to handle for most.

"It's a double-edged sword," he says. "It can help you, but it can
also fuck you. It's one of those luck-of-the-draw kind of things-you
don't know where it's going to land." Things began to get infinitely
more complicated for Dillon once the Headstones signed a record deal
and began recording and touring full-time, taking away that
weekend-warrior vibe that originally kept them grounded and sober.
Looking back now, Dillon has no illusions about the possibility of
remaining creative while continuing prolonged use of mind-altering substances.

"You can't," he says with the finality of someone who tried to do so
for as long as possible, only to learn the truth of the matter the
hard way. "There 's just no fucking way. Even when I was on the road
I heard other people say it. Bonnie Raitt or somebody said, 'lots of
people can drink a shitload of Jack Daniel's and have one or two
records, but that's as far as you can go because you cannot sustain it.'"

The singer has gone considerably farther, currently readying the
second album from the Hugh Dillon Redemption Choir for a June
release, and he's quick to point out that the days of social
lubrication have now been left far behind. He explains that the
combination of age and sobriety has made it easier than ever before
to be creative because he's no longer weighed down by any self-doubt
about his abilities as a songwriter-though he concedes that it took a
long time for him to get to this point.

"Originally, in between the fucking drugs and drinking, the reason
the songs would really come together was because we wouldn't be high
or drunk when we were really trying to nail it or in the studio-you
might be on your way, or you might party after," he says. "The reason
that it's gotten easier now is because it's just strictly the music.
Sometimes you'd be writing a song, going 'this is a great lyric and
this is a great-ah, fuck, I ran out of beer, I've got to go get some
more.' It sidetracks you, whereas if you can find the buzz in
creativity then it'll motivate you and give you the drive to do it.

"That's why I say rock 'n' roll invented drugs," he continues,
"because rock 'n' roll-and songwriting-in itself is a fucking buzz.
And people like me-because I like every drug and every drink-just use
drugs and alcohol to enhance that initial fucking rush of great
writing, and then you're always just trying to recreate it. That's
why you start off with 'I had six drinks and smoked three joints that
time we wrote that one song, so this'll rock.' It's constantly
looking for that combination, and that's the elusive part of it."

Since the demise of the Headstones, Dillon has thrown himself into
his work with renewed dedication, living a double life as a musician
and an actor. In addition to the upcoming album, he's also preparing
for the premiere of Durham County, a six-part series premiering in
May on Movie Central, in which he plays the lead role. He's
particularly adamant regarding the possibility of maintaining his
current career path in conjunction with drugs and alcohol.

"No way," he says. "No way. No way. Fuck. It's a business and you
can't show up thinking you're king shit and fucking smoking a little
dope and drunk. You know what acting's like? You study for a test,
you learn all the dialogue and then you've got to go the next day, go
word-for-word and nail your test and they put a camera on you really
close up and you can't make any mistakes."

Hard work, no doubt, but Dillon says it's worth it, likening the rush
of nailing an acting role with the feeling he gets from music,
pausing for a moment before continuing.

"That's why you can't be really great at music with the drugs,
because you' ve got to rehearse the fuck out of it so you play it
right without even thinking about your lyrics, so you know that song
inside out," he reflects. "I was retarded because I thought I was
smarter than everybody else so I could drink and do drugs at the same
time, but all it did was make me have to rehearse twice as long and
twice as hard. Like I said, it's a double-edged sword: it can get you
in places, but it can be hard to get out."