PAVLOVIAN RESPONSES AND ROLLED-UP PAPERS OR THE DIRTY BACK DOOR TO AN OVERDOSE

Most of us over the age of 30 remember hearing of Pavlov's Dogs in High
School. There are two ways to raise a dog. You either smack him on the head
with a rolled up newspaper, or you rub his nose in a mess he has made.
Either one works much better than modern politically correct theory that
you let the stupid mutt do what it wants to do, then you make excuses for
the mess.

We recieved another whiny letter from Tennis Vance, at the regional jail
last week. Mr. Vance, as you may recall, complained heavily that he did not
give anybody permission to write newspaper stories or articles about him
when he got busted, then sent to the hospital over some drugs he seems to
have taken that were smuggled in "the back way."

I took time in my column to explain to Mr. Vance that the best way to stay
out of the paper is by not making news. For the record Tennis, we don't
need your permission to write about it when you make news and cost the
taxpayers money.

Mr. Vance writes, "It's me again. I thought I would right you back about
what you had to said about my letter. That was a good thing you wrote now,
let me tell you. I don't give a (Explative Deleted) your Banner...." (Note,
the mispellings and typos and bad grammer are all Mr. Vance. Evidently he
is not using his incarceration time to improve his education any.)

He drones on,"....I was not arrested this time you put my name in the paper
so there you go that my grounds for a law suite I was taking to the
hosptial for a drug overdose I was not charged with any crime or anything
else so what right did you have putting my name in the paper. 'Tell me'."

Okay Tennis, I will tell you. But first, let me recommend that you stop
taking drugs while incarcerated if you are so hell-bent on becoming a
jailhouse lawyer.

Tennis, when you took those drugs hidden in your buddies backdoor, and got
sick (probably from exposure to fecal matter, not from overdosing) and WE
had to pay for YOUR hospital visit it and it then became OUR business. We
got our information from an administrator (Steven Canterbury) who spoke on
the record.

For those of you not familiar with Mr. Vance career in law enforcement, he
was involved in an incident including Johnny Workman, 21, of Logan; and
Chester Collins, 22, of Switzer who were treated at Logan General Hospital
after taking drugs they obtained that probably didn't smell too good.

According to Tpr. Larry O'Bryan, James A. Brooks smuggled at least 50 pills
into the jail along with marijuana, a half pack of cigarettes and a butane
lighter by hiding them in his rectum.

Authorities at the jail said Brooks was fishing the drugs out and sticking
them back in throughout part of the day. I bet (for obvious reasons) Mr.
Brooks is very popular in jail. Under the internal disciplinary system, an
inmate who commits a drug offense may be punished by revocation of time
awarded for good behavior, up to 30 days in disciplinary detention or loss
of privileges for up to 30 days.

Tennis, had you not written us, whining about your publicity predicament
nobody would have written about you till the next time you get in trouble.
If you didn't get in trouble anymore you would have gotten your wish. Don't
make news and you won't be in the paper. By taking those stinky drugs you
made news. How is that our fault? You admit you did it in this letter.

Tennis goes on, "It is not a public record when you get taken to the
hospital is it no. So about what you had to say about my letter, I tried to
be nice about it but no you whant to make everything public let me tel you
I didn't whant it put in the paper what I had to say but go ahead and put
this in the paper to I know you will."

When a jail official comments about what you have done while incarcerated,
it is public record.

"So my grounds for my lawsuit is that when you in the paper one your in it
for life everthings you do so let set it right. I was not arrested for
anything so it was not a public record this time, was it no. I was just
taken to the hospital no charged with anything. You told the hole Logan
that I take drugs out up someones (expletive deleted) and got high righ yes
was what I was taken to the hospital for a overdose not for taking drugs
out of someone rectum was I no thank you. You said so bad thing about me in
your paper so I tell you one think keep my name out of you mouth I say tell
me how you know that I was taken to the hospital I will get the paper work
don on the lawsuit soon and you see why."

Tennis, every time you get into legal trouble you damage yourself. You
admit you did it. We just wrote about it. What we wrote about was on record
or told to us on the record by jail authorities. Tennis you need to get off
drugs and get an education and straighten your life out. You need to learn
to accept RESPONSIBILITY for the bad things you have done and the problems
you have caused yourself by them.

Until you do, you will continue to be your own worst enemy. You need to
stay away from drugs. It doesn't matter if they come out of another man's
butt or not.