GOOD REASONS TO STAY CLOTHED

My sister, Leslie, gave me a Father's Day card which included nine
drawings of "The Top Dad Hairstyles." Having a baldness pattern that
emulates Friar Tuck, I identified with the frame entitled "Hole in
Deep Center."

It told me that I'm middle-aged and not quite as attractive as I was
as a teen-ager. I certainly don't have anything that resembles a full
head of hair.

The point is, I guess, that most middle-aged persons realize they look
better with clothes on -- any clothes at all -- than off.

Which brings me to the Rainbow Family. I remember them as the Rainbow
Family Nation. This year, the group is calling itself the Rainbow
Family of Living Light.

The Ottawa National Forest is bracing for the group's arrival. If you
see some aging hippies hanging around (some sightings have been
reported to us), they're probably part of the nation. The main
assembly occurs July 1-7 and peaks at noon on July 4.

The Rainbow Family last visited the Ottawa in 1983. Ralph Ansami and I
went out to cover the event, accompanied by Deb Squire, the public
information officer for the Ottawa. Bob Burton accompanied us, too.

Deb is the daughter of a Methodist pastor, if I remember right. We
three -- Ralph, Deb and I -- were fairly contemporary, aged 28 or so
to about 33. Deb kept her blushing to a minimum.

I swear I knew at least half these people, or recognized them, as
fellow former students at Michigan State University. It was a
gathering of liberal types, with overtones of the drug culture,
organic food and nudism.

It struck me that a lady I saw, dancing with a child, had done well in
her battle against gravity.

She was wearing only a long skirt. She wasn't slender, but she wasn't
zaftig, either. Robust might be the best word.

I wonder how gravity has treated her in the last 20
years.

We saw a naked man canoeing with a child between his legs. That might
not happen in the current environment.

You've got to wonder what sort of conversations will be going on.
Pickup lines could be interesting.

"Hey, wanna see my stretch marks?"

Or, "Is that a new tattoo?" "No, these are spider veins." (Or liver
spots.)

"Wanna see my varicose vein?"

"This isn't body art. I've just had heart bypass surgery."

Relationships may have blurred.

"No, she's not my partner. She's my granddaughter."

Or, "He's not my grandson, he's my boyfriend."

While the Nation spends time "roughing it," I'm willing to bet some of
them are more than a little "Yuppified." I'll bet dietary issues have
changed.

"No tofu for me. I've heard it causes men's brains to
atrophy."

"What sort of wine do you serve with fiddlehead ferns?"

"I'm out of balsamic vinegar!"

The drug culture has changed, too, I'll bet.

Instead of, "Got any weed?" it may well be, "Got any
Viagra?"

Or, "Got any Prilosec?"

The Rainbow Family was born in the age of hallucinogens, like
LSD.

I'll bet that things have gone from, "Wow, man, I'm having a
flashback," to "Wow, man, I'm having hot flashes."

I visited the family's Web site, welcomehome.org. It's about as
dithering as I expected.

"We have no leaders, and no organization. To be honest, the Rainbow
Family means different things to different people," the unofficial
site said. "I think it's safe to say we're into intentional community
building, non-violence, and alternative lifestyles. We also believe
that Peace and Love are a great thing, and there isn't enough of that
in this world.

"Many of our traditions are based on Native American traditions, and
we have a strong orientation to take care of the the Earth. We gather
in the National Forests yearly to pray for peace on this planet."

I pray for peace, too, but I hope not to be visiting the Rainbow
Family this July 4, at noon. I hope to be on my way to the Wakefield
Fourth of July Parade.

I wonder if our newest writer, Diane, might enjoy looking in on the
Rainbow Family?