ADDICTION AFFECTS FAMILIES

It's hard to watch someone you love go through an illness.

It's also hard to understand why someone you love would choose to take
drugs. People whose children or other loved ones are addicted can have a
hard time understanding that although a person might initially make a
decision to do alcohol or drugs, once they're hooked they can't just make
the decision to stop doing them. An addict's legacy to his family is often
one of guilt. Although she didn't want her name used, the mother of a
36-year-old addict in Marshall County was willing to talk about her
response to her son's illness, a secret he kept from her for years. "You
just love them," she said. "You do what you can. I'd cook for him and make
sure there was bread and milk. You know something's wrong, but you don't
know what's wrong, and you pray for the best. You do those mother things."
Her son is clean now. "I have always been proud of him," she said. "I love
him dearly.

Our relationship was never broken.

It's like the (poem) 'Footprints.' There were times when I thought I might
be carrying him." The problems caused by drugs affect not only an addict's
parents, but also his children. Eighty percent of child abuse and neglect
cases can be traced back to drugs, Douglas B. Marlowe said. Marlowe is
director of the Section on Criminal Justice Research at the Treatment
Research Institute at the University of Pennsylvania. "Children are often
the unnoticed victims of a family member's (drug or alcohol) abuse," Leisa
Cole said. She is director of the intensive outpatient program for
substance abuse and certified addiction counselor at Mountain View Hospital
in Gadsden. "They are affected by the chaos of never knowing what situation
they're going to walk into at home, whether a parent will be drunk or be
trying to make up for being drunk the night before.

The child's school work is affected, and his self-esteem is affected to the
point where he will take on a role to cope." Cole described the roles as
"the hero," or perfect child; "the scapegoat," who is used as an excuse for
the parent's substance abuse; "the mascot," who makes everybody laugh to
keep from hurting; and "the loner," who withdraws from the world. "Addicts
seem to have a hard time admitting how their problem affects their
children," Cole said. "I tell them even if there has been no physical abuse
to your child, if you're abusing drugs and alcohol, emotionally you're not
there for your child." Perhaps the hardest burden is thrust on the families
whose loved ones have died from drug abuse. "I knew that he had used drugs
in the past," Carol Hudson said. "When he died I would have sworn on a
stack of Bibles that he was staying away them." Hudson and her husband
found their son, Anthony, dead of an OxyContin overdose in his bedroom in
December 2000. "He could have been such a productive human being," Hudson
said. "He wanted children, and he never gave himself the opportunity to be
married and have a family. "I will never understand, with the passion he
had for life, why he needed drugs.

I just can't understand it." Rainbow City resident Jennifer Mattingly, 26,
overdosed on OxyContin a month before her brother, Ryan Cook, did.
Mattingly recovered.

Her brother died. The 20-year-old Cook died 23 days before Hudson. "I saw
Anthony at Ryan's funeral," Mattingly said. "We all went to the same
church." Getting clean didn't completely repair her family relationships
and their trust in her. "There are some family members who are more
supportive and want to hold your hand," she said. "There are other ones who
are tough-loving it, saying, 'You chose this route, and I love you, but I'd
rather you not be around all the time.' That affects me a lot, because the
last thing I would do - even if I was still on drugs hot and heavy - is go
to my niece and nephew and say, 'Here, try some of this,'" Mattingly said.
"It opens up a whole other level of trust when you have an addict in the
family," Mattingly said. "They question me (about using drugs) all the
time, and then half the time they don't believe me." She can understand
their mistrust, she said, because both she and her brother lied about their
drug use so they could stay out of trouble. "Whatever time I spent using,
it's going to take twice that to gain back the trust of my family, and I
probably still won't have it all back," she said.