BOOMERS' LITTLE SECRET STILL SMOKES UP THE CLOSET

FOR Justin, a history teacher and the father of two teenagers, the moment
of drug anxiety came when his children were in elementary school. They had
just been to a DARE drug education class and informed him "that it's a
totally bad thing to take drugs," he said.

Though he approved of the overall message, their zeal put him in a fix.
Justin, 50, who declined to use his last name, smokes marijuana two or
three times a week. What could he tell his children without appearing to
condone drug use? "I said, 'But not all drugs are bad, are they?' "

For Daniel, a freelance writer in North Carolina, the moment came when his
son, then 4, smelled marijuana on his clothing. Daniel, 42, did what he
felt most people would under the circumstances: he lied, saying it was just
smoke from candles. Though his son accepted his lie, the incident nagged at
Daniel, who said he smokes marijuana about once a month. "It occurred to
me, how much longer can I get away with this?" he said. "Am I going to be
open and upfront about it, and is that going to cause some sort of conflict?"

As anyone who came of age around the smell of marijuana knows, drug use was
supposed to follow a passing narrative arc: you had your youthful
experimentation, you learned your lesson, you grew up and out of it. But
for many, like Justin and Daniel, things have not worked out that way.
Years after the battles about drugs with their parents, they are facing
another generational hurdle - how to reconcile their marijuana use with the
demands of raising their children. "The questions are, how much do you want
to continue that lifestyle, and how much do you tell your kid?" said a
mother in Westchester County, N.Y. "You don't want to be a hypocrite."

This is not a ballad of chronic drug abuse and family dysfunction, but in
many cases one of moderate users who have managed careers, families and
social lives while sneaking an occasional joint. Most say they smoke for
the same reasons they always did: to relax, listen to music or socialize.
After two or more decades, they see little harm. "We never study those
people," said Dr. Roger Roffman, a professor of social work at the
University of Washington, where since 1983 he has studied marijuana use.
Speaking hypothetically, he likened this group to the majority of drinkers,
who do not progress to alcoholism.

Though statistics involving drug use are notoriously slippery, as many as 1
in 10 American parents of children under 18, or about 6 million people,
said they had smoked marijuana in the preceding 12 months, according to a
poll conducted last year by RoperASW. One in 20 parents, or about 3 million
people, said they had smoked in the preceding month. The poll, sponsored by
the Partnership for a Drug-Free America, included interviews with 1,219
parents. Many people will not tell a stranger about their illegal activity,
so the marijuana estimate is probably low. Because the topic involves both
illegal marijuana smoking and children, most people interviewed for this
article were highly circumspect, often unwilling to use even their first
names. One father responded by e-mail:

"Will call, but I can't let my daughter know. So I will have to find a
private moment to talk. Will also have to make sure my parents don't find out.

"Oh, the irony.

"The angst."

With decidedly mixed feelings, many are now repeating the ruses of their
adolescence, sneaking out on ledges as they did years ago, wondering what
they'll say if they get caught.

"It was much easier to hide it from my parents," said a Brooklyn
professional woman with two preteenage children, who described leaning out
over an unsteady window grating to smoke. "I go to great lengths," she
said. "I put towels under the door, I use baby powder to hide the smell. If
I say I'm going to Costco, my baby sitter knows."

Another man said he stuck to the tried and true, hiding his weed in the
same Rolling Stones album cover he used as a child. As he figures, his
children are no more likely to stumble across it there than his parents were.

Parents, of course, have many secrets from their children, including their
finances and the details of their sex lives. And some who smoke tobacco are
reluctant to do it in front of the children these days, not wanting to pass
on the habit.

But marijuana use comes with a unique set of conflicted feelings. For many,
it still resonates as a triumphal rite of passage and stirs reminders of
their own parents' cluelessness.

Yet even parents who pride themselves on being open with their children on
many matters often hide their marijuana use, fearing that they will lose
their parental authority or set the wrong example.

Most say they have no trouble - and see minimal risks - buying marijuana, a
misdemeanor. Police officers and courts often look the other way or impose
mild penalties, said Dr. Alfred Blumstein, professor of criminal justice at
Carnegie Mellon University. "Even if they get arrested, not much is going
to come of it," he said.

Joseph A. Califano, president of the National Center on Addiction and
Substance Abuse at Columbia University, criticized what he sees as a
generation refusing to grow up and take responsibility, inflicting its
habits on its children.

"There's a big disconnect in values today," Mr. Califano said. "Parents of
the 70's by and large think marijuana is less dangerous than teenagers of
the 2000's. Parents of the 70's have mostly grown out of it, while kids see
what happens to potheads in their classes."

In the short term, marijuana can impair memory and judgment, research has
shown; the smoke is also carcinogenic.

Mr. Califano advised that parents be honest about their past use.

Sam, 49, a Vermont father of two, considers himself on the extreme end of
hiding his drug use from his children. If they question him, he said, he
doesn't lie, he just ducks the questions. "I talk to my friends all the
time about disclosure and honesty," he said. "I have friends that are more
forthcoming, but I don't get it: how does talking about their experiences
have a positive bearing on what their children should do?"

The problem for those parents is a sticky one. From their own experiences,
many do not consider the occasional joint a great hazard. But they fear
their children smoking too often or too early in the hothouse years, when
every whim tends to be taken to excess. While they draw a line between
moderate use and problem use, they cannot assume their children will do so.

"I'm hoping I can keep it from them until they're 16, 17 - until they're
old enough to deal with it," another mother of two preteenagers said of her
own marijuana use. Beyond those critical years, she worried more about her
own marijuana future than that of her children. "Am I going to be out there
buying nickel bags when I'm 80?" she asked. "My husband has outgrown it."

Even moderate drug use can put parents in an awkward position with their
children, inverting the family roles. "I have to stand up straight and not
be goofy," said a New Jersey man named Frank, 50, who has two daughters, 21
and 16. "They say, `Dad, what's up? You're acting stupid.' It's very
similar to when I was busted by my parents."

Though he keeps his infrequent marijuana use a secret, Frank does not worry
that his children will follow his example. "My kids are old enough to
question my choices," he said. "They see the stoners in school as wastoids.
If I told them, they'd say, `That's why you were being weird.' "

Drug counselors warn that parental use, even in secret, can influence the
behavior of children. In a 1999 survey of nearly 600 teenagers in drug
treatment, one in five said they had used drugs with a parent.

Michael Gray, a Los Angeles 16-year-old, described smoking marijuana with
his father, a cabinetmaker, at first occasionally, then several times a
day. When Michael progressed to methamphetamine and stopped going to
school, he resented his father's attempts to discipline him. "I thought he
was a hypocrite," Michael said. Now the two are in family drug therapy. "I
wish he had been more of a father and told me right off it was bad,"
Michael said. "We were way too much like friends."

The question of parental influence is an elusive one. When adolescent drug
use doubled during the mid-1990's, after more than a decade of steady
decline, a group of researchers working for the government Substance Abuse
and Mental Health Services Administration set out to test a theory - that
the rise was due to an increase in the number of parents who had smoked
marijuana. The researchers combed through surveys from 1979 to 1996 to see
whether the children of parents who smoked marijuana, in the past or
present, were more likely to try the drug as well.

The results, available on the agency Web site (www.samhsa
.gov/OAS/NHSDA/BabyBoom /toc.htm) revealed a complex pattern of parental
influence. Children whose parents had smoked marijuana were indeed more
likely to indulge. But after that, things got tricky.

"Whether the parent smoked marijuana in the past or in the most recent year
didn't make any difference," said Dr. Denise B. Kandel, a researcher at the
Mailman School of Public Health at Columbia University who lead the group.

Parental cigarette smoking, past or current, appeared to have a stronger
correlation to children's drug use than parental marijuana smoking, Dr.
Kandel said. The researchers concluded that parents influence their
children not according to a simple dichotomy - by smoking or not smoking -
but by a range of attitudes and behaviors, perhaps including their style of
discipline and level of parental involvement. Their own drug use was just
one component among many.

"Looking at single influences doesn't work," she said. "Very often when you
control for other variables the influence disappears."

As the first wave of the counterculture ages - watching Paul McCartney
approach 64 - some members are facing the next challenge: hiding their
marijuana use from their grandchildren. Nearly 100,000 Americans over 60
smoke marijuana occasionally, according to the 2000 National Household
Survey on Drug Abuse, a government study based on interviews with 71,764
people. Again, this estimate may be low.

One suburban publishing professional with adolescent grandchildren said
that in his 60's, he found marijuana a particularly gentle pleasure. But
when his grandchildren visit, he goes into deep cover. "I've even taken to
rolling cigarettes in front of them, just in case they find a roach."

His age has led him to some discretion, he said. "I would never smoke in
the street," he said. "I could just imagine getting stopped, and my
grandchildren reading about it in the paper."

Even with his grandchildren, though, the game was already more precarious
than he figured, he said. When he rolled the cigarette, his grandson, 8,
said, "Grandpa, that looks like a joint."