DRUG DEBATE WILL DRIVE YOU TO DRINK

The day after the U.S. Senate approved using Nevada's Yucca Mountain as a
stash for the nation's nuclear waste, the Associated Press reported that
voters in Nevada will decide whether to legalize small stashes of marijuana.

There's nothing like a few ounces of giggle weed to take your mind off
77,000 tons of nearby nuclear waste.

Who cares if you glow in the dark as long as you have weed and Cheez Doodles?

The proposal, which will be voted on in November, allows adults to have up
to three ounces of marijuana as long as they don't smoke it in public
places, assuming pot heads will recognize public places.

Nevada's blackjack dealers and snack food salesmen should support the law,
which must get around a federal law that bans marijuana possession and a
U.S. Supreme Court ruling that says states cannot make exceptions for
medical use.

A Reuters news story reports that Britain is expected to relax marijuana
laws and allow millions of marijuana users to smoke without fear of arrest.

This decision should go a long way toward relieving concerns over Britain's
bad weather and lousy food. I do not mean to insult people who like
Britain's weather and food, since I conclude they already are stoned.

By making marijuana a Class C rather than a Class B drug, pot will be put
in the same category as anabolic steroids and growth hormones,
non-arrestable offenses.

Speaking of baseball, home run records are falling like leaves from a dying
tree amid accusations that up to 70 percent of major league players are
juiced up on steroids, which improve performance and often cause abusers to
fly into 'roid rages.

The 70 percent figure is suspect since some active players think the figure
is no more than 50 percent.

The thing is, no one knows what percentage of coddled multi- millionaire
players take steroids since there is no drug testing of big-league players,
who often sound like ACLU lawyers when talking about their rights of
privacy, illegal searches and presumption of innocence.

Some of these role-model players support drug testing as long as it is
voluntary. That's nearly as big a joke as the recent All Star game that
stopped with a 7-7 tie thanks to Commissioner Bud Selig, who evidently was
hired to ruin baseball.

The U.S. Supreme Court believes that the drug problem is so severe in the
nation's schools that it is OK to drug test the chess team and the choir.

A few years earlier the justices said it was OK to drug test the jocks who
are role models. Now it's OK to drug test every youngster who bothers to
get up off his or her rump and participate in rewarding, character-building
activities.

It would make more sense to drug test all the zoned-out kids who never
bother to play sports, become involved in extracurricular activities or
hold down after-school jobs.

Trying to follow the logic people use to combat drug abuse is enough to
make you want to take two Valium tablets along with your evening cocktails.