THE 'BLAME GAME' DOES NOT SOLVE ANYTHING

Part of a continuing series on threatened cuts in services for substance
abuse and mental health care.

Legitimate questions deserve to be answered. When discussing the impending
state cutbacks of treatment options for addicts and alcoholics, it is
critical to address the very real frustrations of those who have had to
stand on the sidelines and watch others destroy themselves.

A reader, Beth A. Kinstler, from Savannah, Ga., writes,

"It's natural to want to blame others for the problems of one's self or
those close to us. In the case of Susan Hanley Lane's sister, she wants to
throw the guilt bag at society and anyone else she can throw it at except
for the one person she should throw it at, her sister. It was her sister who
made the decision to drink to excess and not get help."

I'd like to thank Ms. Kinstler for writing so honestly. Her frustration and
anger after reading my column describing my sister's death in a Florida jail
from the untreated medical consequences of alcoholism is not only
understandable, it is justified.

I, too, am angry that I have had to pay for the things others do when
they've been drunk or high. Why should I have to clean up after them when
they're the ones who decided to drink in the first place and not get help?

Who is to blame when alcoholics or addicts do not get the help they need?

"Blame" is a huge word when it comes to alcoholism and drug abuse.
Alcoholics and addicts can find an endless array of reasons why they do what
they do, always blaming others for their misbehavior. In AA and AlAnon it's
called the "Blame Game."

When alcoholics or addicts sober up, they blame themselves unmercifully for
the things they've done that have caused others so much suffering. If they
do not learn how to deal with their guilt and put it behind them, they will
invariably go out and use again.

When a friend, lover or family member of an addict or alcoholic can't stop
the one they love from destroying himself, the guilt and self-blame is
almost more than they can live with. It is vital that they understand that
the addict must blame others because if he accepted the blame for his own
actions, he would have to stop using the chemical that his body, mind and
soul have come to depend on just to make it through another day.

This tossing around of blame from the alcoholic to a family member or even
to society as a whole is par for the course in the cunning and baffling
disease of alcoholism and drug addiction. Blaming is as much a symptom of
the disease as dependence and withdrawal.

This is where many people sign off. It is one thing to accept diabetes, lung
cancer or hypertension as diseases, but alcoholism? Drug addiction?

Somehow we do not question that diabetics need medical care even when they
continue to eat sugary foods. We don't force smokers with emphysema or lung
cancer to die in the gutter because they refused to stop smoking, nor do we
punish people with high blood pressure for using salt or eating steak and
eggs.

We understand that these diseases have a lot to do with self-control, but we
do not refuse treatment and banish their victims to their own devices when
their willpower fails them. If we did, an awful lot of us would be
condemning ourselves or a loved one because these diseases run rampant in
our society.

Unfortunately, so does alcoholism and substance abuse. As a society we have
chosen to condone the use of caffeine, alcohol, nicotine and a virtual
rainbow of prescription drugs. It shouldn't surprise us that many among us
cross over the line with alcohol or experiment with other mind- and
mood-altering chemicals.

Most people who "taste and see" don't get hooked. But many do.

As a society, we can either choose to treat the signs and symptoms of their
disease, i.e. addiction, or we can punish them for not being strong enough
or clever enough to play the game without getting caught.

It has taken AlAnon, AA and many years of counseling for me to finally
accept that addicts and alcoholics have a disease which compels them to use
drugs and alcohol even while it is destroying their family, their career and
their health, even when their own common sense begs them to stop, even while
it is killing them.

Without treatment and rehabilitation, alcoholics and drug addicts are
condemned to die as surely as any convict on death row. Without counseling,
their family members will lose jobs, commit suicide, become juvenile
delinquents, drain their employers in sick days and add to the caseload of
their already overworked social workers.

It is true that addicts and alcoholics can choose to get help. But many,
like my sister, have so many emotional wounds from their past that have
never been addressed that they don't know where to begin. Many have given up
hope.

Blaming them for not getting the help they need is as unproductive as
blaming their families and friends for bailing them out of trouble time and
again. It is understandable, but it doesn't get anyone where they need to
go.

When a society takes a blame and punishment approach to substance abuse, it
winds up paying far more than it would cost to treat the problem in the
first place.

One way or another, society pays for substance abuse. Thankfully, the most
humane and effective way to deal with it happens to be the most
cost-effective as well.

Treatment addresses the problem; punishment usually prolongs it.