BIKERS BORN TO RAISE HECK

Last week, there was a widely reported series of raids on the Hells
Angels in Ontario, B.C. and New Brunswick.

It was part of a massive police anti-gang crackdown, and netted the
arrest of 18 full members of the motorcycle gang and a couple of
police vans full of loot.

Of course there was the usual stuff -- guns, stolen cars, cocaine --
the kind of things any self-respecting biker would happily go to jail
for.

Then there was something else that caught my eye among the haul of
police evidence -- they seized hundreds of tablets of Viagra.

Now don't get me wrong.

I don't have anything against Viagra or the good people at Pfizer.

I'm sure it's a wonderful product and the massive profits from it are
funding research into minor annoyances like cancer and not just the
next high volume, low cost, lifestyle drug.

In the short nine years since it was approved, Viagra has generated
billions of junk e-mails and become such a part of modern life that
last month it was reported Chinese cemeteries are now selling paper
Viagra pills to burn at the gravesides of the dearly departed to help
improve the sex lives of the deceased in the hereafter.

So I suppose it's no wonder that bootleg Viagra is also now turning a
tidy profit for organized crime.

Personally, I've never been keen on the idea of buying prescription
medications from a guy in a bar with tattoos on his face, but I
suppose there wouldn't be a supply of there wasn't a market for it.

To be honest, the whole Hells Angels-Viagra thing made me think about
the fact that the both the Hells Angels and their customers are
starting to get a little long in the tooth.

They were infamous for doing the security for the Rolling Stones in
1969, and the 38 years in between haven't been kind to either of them.

If they did that now, they would spend most of their time trying to
keep the same fans from throwing their Depends and botox onto the
stage during the "Steel Wheelchairs Tour."

Of course the Hells Angels are looking a little older too. At their
court appearance following the bust several were described as
"grey-haired" and others complained of "medical issues" while in custody.

Many of them are apparently pushing 60 years old, which isn't that old
by any normal standard, but isn't how most of us picture a
leather-clad biker.

I can see how aging customers of the drug trade would require a change
to their core business.

Instead of selling dope, coke, hash and other things that make you
stupider than you already are, an aging population would have other
illicit interests.

Who could turn down a great deal on a case of Metamucil that "fell off
the back of a truck," or cut-rate ointment for muscle spasms?

Then there's a whole new black market in arthritis pills, heating pads
and Dr. Scholl's shoe inserts, all supplied in some dark and seedy
bar, no questions asked.

At one time they supplied Canada with strippers and good-time girls.

Now, there's a whole lot more money in smuggling registered
physiotherapists over the Quebec border to look after a generation of
aging Boomers.

I fear the sale of bootleg Viagra is just the beginning for aging
bikers and their clients.

But more amazing is the fact that the story has been told without
anyone so far referring to them as "hardened criminals."