BONG HITS MADE MOMMY BORING

Columnist Anne Hart writes April 20, the unofficial holiday among pot
smokers, is a time to talk to your kids about drugs. But how do you
answer the question, "Mommy, did you ever smoke grass?"

Friday is a big day for bong hits.

April 20 - "4/20" in stoner code - has long been considered an
unofficial holiday among marijuana users. It's a day to gather and
chant "Free the weed" and write representatives calling for the
decriminalization of pot.

The phrase "420 friendly" is slang for marijuana use.

Lots of theories exist as to the origin of 420. The most legitimate is
it's a reference to 4:20 p.m., a time when a group of high school
students in Marin County, Calif., met to smoke pot after school.

Now 4:20 is considered somewhat of a pot-smoker's tea
time.

Say-no-to-drugs advocates urge parents to turn the tradition upside
down and use April 20 as a time to talk to your kids about the dangers
of drug use. (For all you squeaky-clean parents, if you decide to do
this, be sure to pronounce it "four-twenty," not "four hundred and
twenty.")

These conversations are supposed to take place much earlier than high
school, as anyone who has been on MySpace knows: Children experiment
younger and younger with drugs.

If we converse with our kids about the dangers of drugs, that's
supposed to decrease the likelihood they will ever use them.

My son can't even talk yet, but the idea of this distant parent-child
dialogue makes me as nervous as a patchouli-scented stoner at a DARE
rally. No doubt such a conversation will prompt the question: "Mommy,
did you smoke pot?"

I predict several different scenarios could follow such an
inquiry.

A) "Bless me Father for I have sinned ... I lied to my son about my
past drug use."

B) Telling him it doesn't matter what Mommy did, while distracting him
with a scared-straight tour of a jail, complete with a lecture about
the often very unfair, yet very real, mandatory minimum penalties for
drug offenses. ("Did you know, honey, that mandatory minimum
sentencing promotes racial disparities in the prison population
because of the differences in sentencing for crack and cocaine? We can
blame Ronald Reagan for that.")

C) Leveling with the kid. "Yes, and I inhaled" while giving him the
old "Do as I say, not as I did" song and dance. Then frightening him
with facts about pot lowering sperm count, putting his future
fertility at risk.

Let's face it. Many adults who kicked back to Bob Marley and passed
the toke a few times in their 20s certainly don't want to find Zig-Zag
rolling papers tucked inside a copy of High Times in our kid's room.

Not because we think teens doing pot is more dangerous than them
raiding Grandma's stash of prescription painkillers. Nor do we believe
that trying grass is necessarily a gateway drug that automatically
turns kids into little Pablo Escobars.

There are valid arguments for decriminalizing marijuana, and plenty of
patients, doctors and nurses can vouch for the medical benefits of
pot.

But I still hate the idea of my son befriending Mary Jane. The reason
is simple: I don't want his youth wasted away on the couch, giggling
like Goldie Hawn, extolling the hidden genius and beauty behind Cheech
and Chong and munching on Fruity Pebbles.

I want him to use his imagination, not a joint, to escape. I want his
personality and interests to define him and win him friends, not an
extensive pipe collection.

The cliche "high on life, not on drugs" comes to mind, as hopelessly
square as that sounds.

Who knows what parents should say when their kids ask us if we ever
were 420-friendly.

One possible approach: Bong hits are fun at first but put you at risk
of being just another boring stoner with a low sperm count.

If that doesn't work, point out that someday your kid's kid will ask
the very same question.

It's much easier if the answer is an honest "Hell, no."