LET'S TALK: 'CRAZY' DRUGS, SILENT LETTERS

I try not to let things I can't control bother me. I think most of us take
this approach as we grow older. Idealism often turns to conformity, doesn't
it. But then, there are the things I don't understand. I still haven't
given up on the quest for knowledge when it comes to things I don't
understand. I don't spend a whole lot of time in this pursuit, mind you,
but my curiosity is still there. I'm not necessarily talking about things
that are complex, I'm talking about things that don't seem to make sense
but are supposed to make sense.

Take the craze over crystal methamphetamine for example. No, it's not an
exotic island in the Caribbean - it's a drug. It is a powerful central
nervous system stimulant. Did you read the story in the Daily Journal about
this last Sunday? If you didn't, you need to. The people who are addicted
to this stuff - and their numbers are growing - are not your garden variety
drug addicts, let me tell you. These people are nuts. This substance is a
potent combination of - are you ready for this - over-the-counter cold and
asthma medications containing ephedrine or pseudoephedrine, red
phosphorous, hydrochloric acid, drain cleaner, battery acid, lye, lantern
fuel, and antifreeze. You read that right. These people put into their
bloodstream the same thing you and I put into our automobile. And someone
sat around and thought this up, folks, that's what amazes me. It wasn't
enough to mix battery acid and lye with lantern fuel. No sir. Hold on, wait
a minute, got to put some antifreeze in it.

On a less serious note about things I don't understand, how about the
roadside signs that tell us how much weight a given bridge will withstand.
I don't know about other states, but do you know where we Mississippians
put these signs? That's right. Two feet before you actually are on the
bridge. My question is, why do we even bother to put these signs up at all?
Have you ever even once seen a truck stop before crossing a bridge so the
driver can read the sign? No, you haven't. And neither have I. And even if
the driver does stop, 90 percent of these drivers have no idea how much
weight they are carrying behind them anyway. Many, when asked, would just
answer, "A lot."

Where are the yellow airplanes?

How about those yellow airplanes painted on highway 78 between Tupelo and
Memphis? What ever happened to those gems? Anyone ever figure out what they
were there for? Made me real nervous the first few times I saw them. I kept
ducking while driving and looking out my window for a plane. I asked many
northeast Mississippians and no one could ever tell me for sure what their
purpose was. I got answers like, "I think it means crop dusters can land
there if an emergency arises," to, I suppose, a more legitimate explanation
like, "It means your speed is being detected by a highway patrol plane."
One fellow told me, in something that would work for Jay Leno, they were
painted there to, "Show airplanes how to get to Memphis." Much like the
unexplainable circles carved into farm fields in the middle of Iowa - some
say by aliens - these yellow airplanes on highway 78 remain a mystery.

And finally, here today, I would like to discuss something that I have
never, ever understood, and that is the purpose of silent letters. I am
trying to explain this to my kids now, who ask me about it when learning to
spell words. I just have to say, "I don't know why that letter is there but
you don't sound it out son. Say that makes no sense? Well, you are right,
it doesn't. Why this is you ask? Your guess is as good as mine. May have
been alcohol induced or a practical joke by those who created the English
language just to throw people off for the ages." Who started this and who
decides which words can have a silent letter and which can't? For instance,
why is there an "s" in the word Illinois? Many southerners are prone to go
ahead and pronounce the "s" in Illinois anyway and I can't really argue
with them. But then many southerners are also prone to throw an "r" into
the word Chicago as well. "Chicargo," they say. I guess some folks operate
under the theory that if one letter must be silent, another letter must be
heard somewhere in the alphabet universe to make up the difference.

I know what you are thinking. You are thinking, "They mix lantern fuel with
what?!!"

Tim Wildmon is a resident of Saltillo. He is a host of Today's Issues on
American Family Radio. His column is published every other week.