GETTING OLD IN BEDPAN CITY? INVEST IN POT

Chris Malette 'At Large' - News Item: Belleville's population is greying.
Recent results from the Stats Can 2001 census shows the median age in
Belleville is 39.7 years old -- skyrocketing up from 37.2 years only five
years before.

Yikes.

Get out the walkers, because the average age of the old poots in this burgh
is approaching bedpan city and we'd better be prepared. That's the warning.

It's not much of a stretch, really, when you consider what's going on in
Belleville and the surrounding rural 'retirement' communities like Wellington.

We're already well on the road to becoming one big raisin ranch, as
evidenced by the booming retirement and 'adult' residential construction
going on in these parts.

But, think about Belleville the grey, for a minute. What's it going to be
like in about 30 years when those 39.7-year-olds are really into the golden
years.

That's you and me, kids, and I can see it all now.

The bars in this town will have to gear their entertainment to suit our
nostalgia.

Now, nostalgia means Old Blue Eyes, Vera Lynn for the really grey, and
Elvis and his ilk for the demographic just a shade past your correspondent.

But, just imagine 'tribute' bands to the hair groups of the '80s, grunge
acts in jogging suits, velcro strapped runners and those tell-tale diaper
bulges in their drawers.

Strip joints will advertise amateur wet Depends nights and, well, it's just
too scary to imagine.

There's a lot of hand-wringing going on about this aging issue. But, as
usual, your humble scribe has a few words of advice.

Buy stock in companies that specialize in old age homes, home health
supplies and items that help us all with our infirmities; stake out a
retirement property close to a hospital that won't, hopefully, be bursting
at the seams and overrun with geriatric treatment cases; and, finally, buy pot.

Huh? The good grey Intell is advising us to be potheads?

Well, kind reader, by the time we're in our sixties and seventies, pot will
likely be decriminalized, if not legalized.

While I don't advocate illicit narcotic use, now, you can bet, when I hit
my own golden years I plan to score some primo bud to help make prunes and
oatmeal a little more appealing.

Hey, the oldsters in our midst, now, are a pretty vibrant lot, so I'm not
worried about the 'greying' demographics here.

A little Waterfront post mortem, as it were:

Caught the Jann Arden show at Meyers Pier Friday night (getting in touch
with my feminine side and accompanying my wife, who's a fan, if you must know).

Now, I was struck with the impression the sound system was woefully
inadequate down there. I was told the same problem befell April Wine
Saturday night. Not really the fault of the local committee, but they may
want to have the outfit that provides such concert services beef up the
system for next year.

On the Ethnic food front, I heard the Bangladesh entry was a welcome
addition. Also, the Greeks were trying to restore the glory of their food
venue with tzatziki sauce and pita bread. One hint, though, for the Greeks:
try and keep the pitas out of the sun. They crumbled. Oh well, the taste
was gloriously Greek, although I didn't get to sample it.

Couple niggles:

In the three-day run-up to Waterfront and the traffic that week brings, and
with thousands of BMW motorcyclists in the area, North Front Street was
clogged as four lanes were reduced to two as crews extended services to the
new Atlantis nightclub.

Question: If many other cities can do major road work on major traffic
arteries overnight, why can't Belleville? Rush hours were nuts on North
Front last week and it seemed the crews went back and forth across the road
two or three times, tearing up tarmac as they went. Great fun.

And what was up with the gas prices Tuesday? Just when I went to fill up on
North Front, prices rocketed from 63.5 cents a litre to 70 cents. Then,
three hours later when I came back down the Stomach Strip and Gasoline
Alley, gas was back down to 63.5 everywhere.

What in hell was that all about?

Just asking...