LIVING WITH AN ADDICT

Drug addiction is an ugly problem and it's hard for families to live with.

Mary* has been living with a partner that has been addicted to cocaine for
many years.

'I met Joe* when we were 16. He started with marijuana, then it led to
cocaine. He used to use cocaine every now and then but it became a problem
when he was 18 and we moved to Toronto,' Mary said.

'We were living together and it seemed like every time we got paid all our
money went towards drugs,' she said.

Mary was doing drugs too but when she got pregnant she said that was it for
her, and she quit.

'Having kids didn't seem to have the same affect on him,' Mary said.

Temptation Too Great In City

Mary's family moved here from a large centre recently to get away from the
temptation for Joe to use again.

'We relocated here hoping that he wouldn't be tempted by people who use. He
doesn't know anyone here who uses and the people he does know are clean and
stable,' Mary said.

The downside to living with an addict are many, not only emotionally but
financially.

'In Joe's lifetime he has spent hundreds of thousands of dollars. Last
month he spent $5,000 on cocaine,' Mary said.

'We struggle financially because of his addiction,' she said.

Joe works a good job that pays well, but Mary said that her and her two
girls have to watch everything they spend. There aren't any extras for
things like going to restaurants.

'It makes you angry. With his career he can make damn good money but
because of his addiction we've lost cars and houses. He makes good money,
we shouldn't suffer the way we do,' she said.

Mental Anguish

The mental anguish of family members is heavy when living with an addict.
'When he relapses I get really sad and I get bad pains in my stomach. I'm
affected as a codependent' Mary said.

Joe recently went on a three-day cocaine binge.

'Over the years I've educated myself on addictions so I can understand
better but I still feel if you don't want to do it, don't do it,' she said.
When asked why she stayed with Joe, Mary admitted that they had broken up a
couple times because of the addiction but she keeps going back to him.

'I'm in love with him and I know he loves me. He's not violent and everyday
he tells me he loves me. There's obviously something there. I can only hope
one day this addiction will be a part of our past,' Mary said.

'I'm trying to build trust but it's hard to trust an addict. I take it day
by day. I don't want to be another statistic, I don't want to be a part of
the high divorce rate.'

Will He Ever Quit?

When Mary was asked if Joe was going to clean up this time she sadly said
she didn't know the answer to that.

'It's all about hope.'

Mary also went on to say that everyone has a problem.

'Unfortunately our problem is addiction. I hope my daughter will look at
Joe's mistakes and say 'I'll never use.' I hope the experience will stop
her from experimenting,' Mary said.

She said that it's very important for her girls to know there are other
people in the same situation. She said that children need someone to talk to.

Kristin*, 13, has known that her father uses drugs since she was 10. 'I
know he's a drug addict. My mom told me, she wanted me to understand. I
asked a lot of questions and she didn't want to lie to me,' Kristin said.

Kristin struggled knowing her dad used drugs. She knew none of her other
friends had fathers that were drug addicts.

'I felt uncomfortable around my dad. I was upset knowing he used drugs.
Knowing a grown man goes out and does drugs doesn't make me feel good,' she
said.

Addiction Comes Before Family

Finding out that Joe had a problem hasn't been the only thing Kristin has
to deal with. She has to deal with the fact that her father still uses and
she knows how powerful his addiction is, more powerful than the bonds of
family.

'Sometimes I'm sad. I know he tries hard to not use drugs. I don't know if
he'll ever quit. I think he can, even though I've said that lots of times
before. I tell him he can if he tries,' Kristin said.

Joe is aware he has a problem. He has admitted to his family that he is an
addict and he has gone to rehab for help.

'I think it's good he went for help but I wish he would have stuck with
it,' Kristin said.

She has done a lot of soul searching and asked a lot of questions about her
dad's problem.

'I know he's addicted but there's nothing I can do,' she explained, 'I wish
he'd stop but I know I don't have any control over it. I know he could be
clean.'

She'll Never Use

The biggest thing that Kristin said she has learned through her experiences
is that she will never use drugs.

'This has made me see what drugs do to you and how it affects people around
you. It makes you uncomfortable to be around. On any drug you just aren't
yourself. If anyone ever asked me to do drugs I'd say no because I know how
it can wreck your life.' she said.

* Names have been changed to protect the family's identity.