COPS BUCKLE DOWN IN FIGHT AGAINST PIES

It hasn't been a good few weeks for cops.

First the squeegie caper-the National Post reported undercover RCMP
officers in Burnaby were posing as squeegee kids to catch drivers not
wearing seat belts. Wearing a cunning disguise consisting of "a hat and
baggy pants or shorts," the cop would peer through vehicle windows scanning
for seat-belt violations, giving a "quiet" signal to uniformed officers
down the road to stop the car when he spotted an infraction. In one
four-hour period, they handed out 90 tickets.

Squeegeeing is illegal in Burnaby. The cops confess they now have a little
more sympathy for squeegee kids, after being yelled at and spat on by
drivers who didn't want their windshields cleaned, or didn't want to pay
for a cleaning. Which begs a couple of questions: Can you arrest someone
for not paying for something that was illegal in the first place? And how
many of these yelling, spitting "customers" were actually wise to the fact
that they were dealing with cops?

(Incidently, the Mounties are exploring other avenues for cracking down on
scofflaws who fail to buckle up-so be nice to that giant chicken or beaver
waving at the side of the road.)

The next bit of stimulating news from the police blotter was the sneak raid
on vehicles travelling on the Horseshoe Bay to Nanaimo ferry. While
passengers were unwittingly enjoying the baron of beef upstairs, 12
plainclothed officers from five police agencies-including Vancouver's-and
five drug-sniffing dogs were trolling for drugs in the parked vehicles below.

Cars suspected of containing drugs were taken to the police station and
searched. The cops ended up seizing more than seven kilograms of pot in
four sailings and charging three people. Five others found smoking doobies
weren't charged but had their pot seized-which probably annoyed B.C.
Ferries, which moves a lot more $2-plus cheese scones to passengers with
the munchies.

The next day, we heard about the raid on the Courtenay home of animal
rights activist David Barbarash, spokesman for the Animal Liberation Front,
which is known for its "violent attacks" on things like meat packing
plants. We're told the group is responsible for breaking in and stealing
stuffed animals from three Maine rod and gun clubs three years ago-police
were apparently able to crack the case because the group's initials were
spray painted on the wall. Oh, and the group took credit for the kidnapping
through Barbarash.

Instead of arresting the members of these rod and gun clubs for having the
appalling bad taste to mount dead animals on their walls, Maine police are
going after the ALF, and apparently asked Vancouver Island police for help.
So this week, while Barbarash was on holiday, the cops kicked in his door
and turned his office upside down looking for documents.

True, Barbarash is a known cat-liberator, chaser of hunters and member of a
Kentucky Fried Chicken vandalism group dubbed the Kentucky Fried Five who's
already under surveillance by the Canadian Security Intelligence Service.
But this was a crime in another country the cops know he didn't commit-they
were just on a fishing expedition. Did they have to be so rude as to strew
his stuff around? Even the guy who broke into my car for spare change
neatly piled my insurance documents on the driver's seat.

Then last Thursday, police tossed a man in the slammer on suspicion of
conspiring to brandish pastry in a threatening manner in the presence of
the prime minister. The suspected pie packer-who turned out to be civil
rights lawyer Cameron Ward (oops)-proclaimed his innocence: "I can assure
you, I have not visited a bakery in the last 48 hours," he told the Globe.

It all adds up to something. Either police in this province are lying when
they say they're "under-resourced," or they're bored silly by the crack
dealing, car stealing and prostitute murdering that passes for crime around
here.

Allen Garr is on vacation