ADD TALK TO KIDS ABOUT DRUGS TO TO-DO LIST

Parents going through the annual back-to-school rituals across the country
are asking the same questions they ask every year. Does she need a new
backpack? Does he still fit into those soccer cleats? But parents need to
add another, harder question to the list: Is this the year someone will
offer drugs to my child?

Chances are, the answer to that question will eventually be yes. More than
half of all American kids will use drugs at least once between first and
12th grade, but many will choose not to experiment. Can you influence
whether your child decides to give in?

* Recognize that this is your job. Don't leave drug prevention to the
school. Although schools have responsibility for drug education, parents
have the greatest influence on kids, and no one is more able to help them
grow up drug-free.

* Start early. Kids are growing up faster, and the dangers that once arose
as kids reached their teens are creeping lower and lower on the age scale.
Kids as young as 10 are being introduced to drugs. Help to form your
children's attitudes toward drugs early. They will know drugs are bad long
before someone offers, making it easier for them to say no when the time comes.

* Keep it simple. Children tend to see things as either black or white. So,
there is no room for ambivalence. Be firm, but mostly you should be clear
about what you believe and the behavior you expect from them. Many of the
kids with the most severe drug problems being treated at our adolescent
treatment programs at Phoenix House started with trying a little alcohol or
marijuana at a party, thinking, "How could it hurt me?"

* Encourage your children to learn to rely on and believe in themselves.
Self-reliance begins with their taking responsibility for themselves.
Starting early to care for themselves, their toys and their clothing makes
it less likely that they will try drugs at an early age. Taking
responsibility also firms up their sense of themselves and makes it easier
for them to make independent choices about drug use.

* Be a good role model. No matter what you tell children, behavior speaks
volumes. Maintain a healthy lifestyle, and it's likely they will, too. At
Phoenix House, one of the most effective parts of treatment for many
recovering drug abusers is simply watching and learning from people who are
living sober, healthy lives. Your child will learn how to live safely and
happily from you.

* Talk to your kids. As your children grow up, rules won't be enough. They
need reasons as well. Be prepared to talk with your children about the use
of alcohol, tobacco and drugs -- and to talk with them, not just to them.
Listen to them; encourage them to tell you what they think. Bring to these
conversations lots of patience and a good set of facts about the risks,
lifetime penalties and health consequences of drug use.

* Know your kids' friends. Are the friends likely to try whatever is
offered to them? Are they likely to be the one offering? It may not be your
job to be their parent, but they will affect your child's life.

* Don't worry. Taking a firm stand against drug use will not damage your
relationship with your child. A warm and loving relationship is the reward
of parenthood, not the purpose. Most children will be grateful that you are
clear and honest with them. Moreover, many youngsters are looking for a
good reason to avoid trying drugs, so it helps if they can explain, "My
folks would kill me, if I did."