Pro/Con

BIG-MONEY POT RAIDS NO MYSTERY -- IT'S A SIMPLE CASE OF SUPPLY AND DEMAND

LAURIE WILSON

Tom, we are in the wrong business. Agriculture seems to be a much more
lucrative endeavor these days. At least that is what I am gleaning from the
crime news.

Each year, I plant my six tomato plants, peas, a zucchini and a yellow
squash to accompany my raspberries. I also plant green beans, but you will
remember that, thanks to Martha Stewart's dud seeds, only one plant came up
this year.

I have never thought of my little garden as a money making endeavor. In
fact, it probably costs me money, But I enjoy planting it, watching it grow
and eating the produce.

Every so often I read about marijuana farms in our neck of the woods that
grow a marvelous crop that is valued at $1,000 a pound. If I could only get
that for my zucchini! That little operation up the canyons that the DEA and
the sheriff shut down last week was worth $3 million.

Where did they get the water to grow 4,500 marijuana plants? I have to pay
an overage fee every summer to keep my little garden watered and my
tomatoes growing. In the middle of a drought, didn't anyone notice that
someone up that canyon was using enough water to drain the reservoir?

For my entire life, I have heard about the problems of illegal drugs of one
kind or another. When I was in high school, marijuana was the big thing.
Only idiots used heroin. I remember Mary Furman's campaign for class
office: "Marijuana all your votes." We didn't take it seriously.

Then along came cocaine. I thought that had pretty much replaced marijuana.
Why would you bother to grow an eight-foot high plant that was hard to hide
when you got a better result from a little white powder?

But I have now reconsidered. I guess $400,000 for 100 pounds of that little
plant isn't bad for a summer's harvest. I also figure that with the staying
power of marijuana, the pot heads are so wasted that they won't notice if I
just bag up the weeds in my garden and sell it as weed. At least that's
truth in advertising.

Given that I neglected to buy sterilized cow manure this year, I could
probably come up with two or three hundred pounds of weeds.

Seriously, Tom, who is using this stuff? After all that has been shown
about the dangers of drugs, who are these guys selling to? Are our kids
really that stupid? Are there really any rational adults who still use this
stuff?

Help me out here, Tom. I just don't get it.

TOM BARBERI RESPONSE

I know you will be surprised to find out, Laurie, but I don't get it,
either. I do understand the system. If you want to make a never-ending ton
of money, just get the authorities to outlaw tomatoes, green beans, peas
and zucchini.

Remember that most forgettable movie with Kevin Costner, "Waterworld?"
Remember just how valuable that little tomato plant was he had on his boat?

Supply and demand.

It is the American way and the drug scene is the greatest example of free
enterprise in operation.

The key to any illicit profits is to make them the forbidden fruit (pun
intended).

The war on drugs is an abysmal failure, both socially and financially.

The good news is that while teens say that pot is easier to buy than
cigarettes or beer, 75 percent of those polled in a national survey deny
having tried pot. It seems that kids are more into sneakers, CDs,
shrink-wrapped jeans and piercing than pot.

I know that you would not be averse to using cocaine if your doctor
prescribed it; the same goes for morphine, Oxycontin, Xanex, Percodan,
Demerol, Prozac, Zoloft or any other mind-altering drugs.

But it seems that marijuana has maintained an image that keeps lawmakers
from admitting the truth about pot, that it has genuine medical
applications and is relatively harmless in moderation.

Not unlike alcohol and fast food.

I am not comparing Cheech and Chong to Ronald McDonald or Col. Sanders, but
you get the idea. It would be political suicide for a politician to make a
case for pot as a medicine.

There are numerous studies that prove its effectiveness in helping people
suffering from the ravages of chemotherapy and glaucoma.

If the government treated pot as it does cigarettes and alcohol, the money
raised from taxes could probably send a good portion of our children to
college on scholarship.

Now the Bush administration is pushing embryo adoption.

Have you ever heard of anything more absurd? If it is successful in getting
the public sucked into adopting embryos, how much tax money will be used?

Next time you get sick, call a congressperson. They seem to know everything
about everything.

Ciao.