DRUGS MADE ME FEEL GOOD INSIDE, SAYS ADDICT

The Following Is The Second In A Series On Drug Abuse In The Jewish Community.

TORONTO - "I don't think I was born an addict," Daniel says nervously.
"It's more like I became an addict the first time I tried a drug."

With low-slung pants and an oversized T-shirt, Daniel (whose name has been
changed to protect his identity) isn't just a "poser." Last year, the tall,
14-year-old Jewish boy with short-cropped hair and sheepish hazel eyes was
suspended for selling drugs on school property. He says the 20-day
suspension for dealing alerted his mother for the first time to the fact
that drugs were a major part of her son's life.

"My mom's a new immigrant with three other children to look after. She's
single and works real hard at a job that expects her there full time, even
though she only gets paid for part time," Daniel says.

He doesn't blame his mother for reacting the way she did - with strict
rules and curfews - and says he would probably do the same if it were his
child. Except, he says, "I wouldn't call the cops on my own kid."

His mother called the police when Daniel missed a curfew.

She also forced him to come to his first JACS meeting. Jewish Alcoholics,
Chemically Dependent Persons and Significant Others is a group that
provides resources for those who want help with drinking problems or drug
abuse. It's often the first place people turn to when they realize they
have a problem. "I never wanted to come through that door," Daniel says. "I
didn't think I really needed a recovery program."

"A lot of teens don't get help because they don't want to tell anyone they
use drugs or they don't realize it's a problem," he says.

"I always thought all teens do drugs on a regular basis."

At 12 years old, Daniel tried marijuana for the first time when his
friend's older sister offered him some. Marijuana is referred to by
educators as the "gateway drug" because some users go on from there to
other substances that will help them get high.

JACS' executive director Marla Goldman explained that while most people can
control how much alcohol they drink or how much pot they smoke, the addict
cannot.

"It's a disease like any other. The users aren't bad people, they're sick
people who need to learn how to control their disease," she says. Daniel
started with pot, a little alcohol and the occasional 'shroom (magic
mushrooms).

One thing led to another until he made his own connections and started to
sell drugs inside and outside his school.

"Using the drugs made me feel good and just sort of numb inside. I guess
there were a lot of things I didn't want to have to think about," he says.
His father suffered from depression and committed suicide with a gun that
was kept in the house. Daniel was three years old when his brothers heard
the shot and found the body. The family has been coping with the tragedy
ever since.

Last year, JACS convinced Daniel to go to a rehabilitation centre for the
first time.

"I wasn't sure what to expect and was pretty scared going up there," he
says. "I thought I was going to a mental hospital or something."

At the rehabilitation centre, he found support and kids like him who needed
help with their addictions. He also found that as the only Jewish teen in
the group, he was constantly explaining what being a Jew was about. Kosher
food was unavailable and Christianity was used as the spiritual guide for
recovery.

Two of Daniel's brothers go to yeshiva and his family observes all the
holidays with traditional meals and prayer. For Daniel, those events pose
additional challenges. Every holiday that uses wine can be trigger points
into drug and alcohol-related binges - the smell of the Friday night
Kiddush cup can be a hurdle, the four cups of Passover a nightmare.

The month in rehab forced Daniel to think about a lot of things. The
counsellors showed him that over 75 per cent of his day was drug-related
and suggested other ways to fill his life. They taught him that it would be
foolish to introduce his younger sibling to drugs because he might become
responsible for their deaths.

Those 30 days of rehab and weekly aftercare group meetings kept Daniel off
drugs for several months. But once during the summer, Daniel saw kids at
work put out a half-used joint and it triggered something in him. He went
back later that evening, picked it up and smoked it.

That night, the counsellor was sick and Daniel's group didn't meet. So he
called his buddy from aftercare and they went looking for drugs instead of
support.

That binge got him kicked out of the aftercare group and on to a cycle of
alcohol, cocaine, Percocets and Tylenol-3s.

Continued from page 12

"Sometimes I even drank cough syrups for the dextromorphan," he says.
"Anything to get high."

"I know it's wrong," Daniel says. "And I know that I'm always looking for
an excuse to get high. I need to be completely convinced that I want to
stay sober. Right now, there's 20 per cent of me that still wants to be
high." But there's another part of Daniel that likes music, wants to become
a social worker, a devoted husband and a caring father with children who
don't use drugs.

Daniel is hoping to go back to a rehab centre soon where he could spend
anywhere from several months to two years. He says he's looking forward to it.

For further information on JACS, see their Web site at www.jacsweb.org or
call 416-410-5227.

All calls are strictly confidential.