STATEHOUSE INSIDER

Thank goodness we've finally got that marijuana issue out in the open.

All of this time people have been asking the candidates for governor about
the budget and education and the death penalty while tiptoeing around the
real issue on everyone's minds: Did you ever smoke a joint?

So the question of smoking marijuana was finally posed last week to
Democrat ROD BLAGOJEVICH, a man who has indiscretions in his past,
according to House Speaker MICHAEL MADIGAN. Blagojevich waited for what
seemed an eternity before answering yes, he did indeed smoke marijuana.
Goodness! Someone in their 40s who has smoked marijuana and lived to tell
about it.

There's a definite protocol for politicians to follow when admitting
marijuana use. First, they have to dislike the experience. Voters may be
willing to accept that a politician experimented with marijuana, but the
pol absolutely cannot have enjoyed it.

Second, the politician should admit to smoking dope only "once or twice."
More than that can leave the public profoundly skeptical that the
politician didn't enjoy the experience, which is the key to step one. Think
in terms of the driver who admits to having "one or two beers" after he's
caught weaving down the road.

Finally, don't admit that you inhaled. That works best on people who
believe marijuana is smoked like a fine cigar and inhaling isn't necessary.
At least you can fool them.

Let's see how Rod scored on the marijuana protocol test. He said he didn't
like it. Good start.

He said he used marijuana only twice. Fine, fine. That's just within
acceptable political limits.

He said he doesn't know if he inhaled because he was so inept at the whole
task of smoking dope. Huh? You know you smoked precisely twice, but you
can't remember inhaling? Maybe the experts are right about this stuff
causing memory loss.

OK, Blagojevich admits he used marijuana, albeit briefly and not very
successfully. What about the other gubernatorial candidates?

Attorney General JIM RYAN, the Republican, said he's never used any illegal
drug, including marijuana. We already suspected this. Marijuana can give
you the giggles, and the rumor is Ryan stopped giggling, as a career move,
in kindergarten.

Then there's Libertarian Party candidate CAL SKINNER, who admitted he
scarfed down three or four marijuana-laden brownies 20 years ago without
knowing what was in them. At least he didn't inhale.

By the way, although the Libertarian Party platform calls for
decriminalizing marijuana, Skinner does not support that plank.

That new Jim Ryan TV ad is, uh, distinctive.

There's no narration in it. There are pictures. There is music. There are
even times when messages pop up on the screen. But at no time does anyone
do any talking.

For our money, the ad is a little confusing. It's tough to both watch the
visuals and pick up on the word messages being flashed across the screen.

Maybe it's because of those brownies we just ate.

Word last week was that the St. Louis Cardinals and Gov. GEORGE RYAN were
close to a deal to build a new stadium in Illinois. At this point, we don't
know how much this is going to cost Illinois taxpayers. The important thing
is all of those Ryan cronies can now go to work at a new baseball stadium
authority if that Abraham Lincoln Presidential Library gig doesn't work out.

Sometimes you can't win for losing. Just ask DON TRACY of Springfield.

Tracy is a Democrat, which is tough enough in Sangamon County. He's also
running for the state Senate against LARRY BOMKE, a seven-year Republican
incumbent.

Tracy, a Springfield lawyer, is also a sponsor of the "art in the park"
program. As such, his name was listed along with other sponsors on a
T-shirt handed out at the Springfield Art Association's 5K run last week.
When you are running for office, every little bit of publicity helps.

Unless, of course, the T-shirt lists you as "Dick Tracy" rather than Don.
Even Dick Tracy might not be that bad, except that Don said his brother,
Richard, probably wouldn't be happy to be confused with him.

At least Tracy understands that politicians must often make the best of a
bad situation.

"They had it right in the program," he said.