PARENTS LET CHILDREN RUN WILD, SAY EXPERTS

Deckhead Goes Right Here

Rampant underage drinking. Kids using harder and stronger drugs. Teens
using dope with mom and dad.

Has society lost its moral compass?

According to the Gallup Poll, a certified national survey, Americans began
indicating so in 1999, when 18 percent of respondents agreed that ethics,
morality and family decline were the most serious problems in the country.
It was the largest indicator of moral decline since pollsters began asking
that question in 1950.

For some 30 years, Colorado psychologist James Dobson, whose show, "Focus
on the Family," airs locally on radio and television, has blamed an immoral
society for influencing children to rebel against authority and give in to
temptations such as drugs and alcohol.

Dobson, in his book "The New Dare to Discipline," blames parents for an
immoral society that has rocked the foundation of the family:

"We allowed immoral television and movie producers to make their fortunes
exploiting our kids. We allowed their filth and their horribly violent
productions to come into our homes via cable, video, CDs and network trash.
We stood by passively while Planned Parenthood taught our teenagers to be
sexually promiscuous."

"We have forgotten God and disregarded His Holy ordinances," writes Dobson.
"But it is our children who have suffered and will continue to pay for our
lack of stewardship and diligence."

The consequences of permissiveness are part of the arguments which Dobson,
the author of numerous parenting books, uses to encourage parents to grab
the reins of authority in their children's early years.

'They want structure'

South Mississippi law enforcers don't always draw on the Bible to make
their arguments, but they see the consequences of the breakdown of families
and discipline in the jails and courts every day.

"We've become a hedonistic society," motivated by pleasure instead of
morals, said Tom Payne, a Gulfport city court judge.

About 400 teen-agers appeared before Payne on alcohol-related charges last
year. Some of their parents, he said, were adamant that they prefer to let
their kids drink alcohol at home so they won't drink and drive, or be
tempted to go out and steal it.

"It's illegal for anyone under 21 to drink alcohol, even with their
parents," Payne said. "It's a gateway drug, and if you give it to them,
you're desensitizing them to a drug that is not appropriate for their age
group."

Kids want and need parents to tell them what to do, he added.

"They want structure and a safe place to play. There's a void in these
kids. If we're not teaching our kids to be good, then the media will teach
them. The media, through movies, TV and music, tell kids it's cool to drink
and be merry."

Law enforcers blame many of kids' legal problems on some of the same
stresses that Dobson has been addressing for years.

"Many single parents or both parents work two jobs and aren't around to
train and supervise their children. And when they're home, they're tired,"
said Biloxi police Sgt. Michael Goldsworthy.

"With changes in family structure, we're seeing what happens when kids are
left to grow up on their own. Some kids are going to have to learn the hard
way."

Dobson, in his book, "Parenting Isn't For Cowards," says that a permissive
method of child-rearing, which gained popularity in the 1970s, is partly to
blame for producing spoiled, disrespectful children. Parents who don't
"grab the reins of authority early" are more likely to have children who
resist other forms of authority, writes Dobson.

Dobson isn't the one who founded the "tough love" concept in the 1980s, but
he supports that philosophy and recommends old-fashioned discipline - a
swat on the behind with a neutral object - for children as young as 18
months old. He maintains that kids who defy parental authority around age 6
and older usually benefit more from consequences and restrictions.

'Running the show'

But parental authority is all but nonexistent in many homes today, said Bob
Lambert, Hancock County sheriff's investigator.

"When I was growing up, my parents monitored everything from the books I
read to the movies I watched, and it made a difference in my life," said
Lambert. "Today, a lot of parents either don't care about the consequences
or don't want to do anything to their kids that could be considered child
abuse. They grow up running the show and getting in trouble."

Dobson maintains that kids who abuse drugs and alcohol are on a road to
destruction in a journey that hinders self-discipline, self-control,
relationships and development. Yet he realizes that even the best of
parents, those who try to gain and maintain their kids' respect, may have
problems with their kids anyway.

Local authorities such as Lambert and Payne, who uphold laws and dispense
justice, say there's not much they can do to hold parents responsible for
their children's behavior.

Dobson, however, believes the difference comes from having a healthy
parent-child relationship, teaching children God's commandments, and using
common-sense approaches to parental authority.