ADDICTED MEN SEEKING REHAB

For the past year I have been working as consulting psychologist to an
alcohol and drug addiction treatment centre for men. This is not my
first experience in dealing with addiction; I had earlier worked five
years in a co-ed treatment center.

I have become aware of certain themes emerging in a group of men,
themes that did not surface in a co-ed group. Although the reasons for
substance abuse and subsequent seeking help for addiction are varied,
there is a pattern of sameness.

The seven themes presented below relate to what is going on at the
point men seek help, not to the years when usage turned to habit and
then to addiction. Some of the themes, but not all, apply to women as
well as men.

For readability I use the term 'alcoholic' to refer to people who are
addicted to either alcohol or other drugs.

Firstly, alcohol helps men suppress feelings of worthlessness and
being undeserving. These horrible feelings usually emanate from
unresolved trauma, sometimes going back to childhood. This is sad,
because all unresolved trauma is treatable even after years have
passed. Most of the remaining themes below also have some traumatic
origins.

Drinking helps men avoid facing a profound lack of self-respect. The
silver lining is that if they had acknowledged how little respect they
had for themselves, say 10 years earlier, they might have suicided or
died through other reckless action.

Many alcoholic men carry a lot of anger, and along with the anger they
often have a fear they will become violent and hurt someone. Drinking
calms them. For many, if they would acknowledge their anger, their
healing could progress. In my view healing the origins of anger trumps
managing anger every time.

Often by the time men seek rehab they are mired in feelings of
hopelessness about their addiction, about their marriages, about their
careers, about life or about all of these. Yes they may project an
image of bravado and self-confidence, but underneath there is a loss
of hope.

Men who have turned to alcohol or drugs often carry a great deal of
shame about not being able to make their wives happy or otherwise care
for them. Of course, each of us has responsibility for our own
happiness, but that does not stop men from subconsciously taking on
that responsibility. This is a peculiarly male problem.

Men may come to terms with their addiction at any time of life, but
middle age is a prime. It is in middle age that we all tend to face up
to the big questions about the meaning of life and the meaning of our
own lives in particular. Alcohol or drugs may cover a man's inadequacy
to face the big questions. It may be the failure of a second marriage
or the death of a child that pushes him to clean up so he can tackle
the big questions and begin to create a meaningful and purposeful
second half of life.

Finally, alcohol and drugs help us deny our connections to one
another, to the universe, to God, to our higher powers, to our true
selves. In other words substance abuse is a spiritual blocker.
Recovery from an addiction is often accompanied by a spiritual awakening.

Dr. Neill Neill, is a Registered Psychologist.