RETURN FROM HELL A 'VERY LONG, LONELY JOURNEY'

Jenny Ritter didn't know what to expect when her two kids reached the
dreaded teen years so she simply planned to tackle problems as they arose.

But the teenage troubles of her son and daughter escalated into more than
Ritter and her husband Mike were prepared to handle.

Drug abuse, school failure, her son's arrest and conviction for drug
trafficking and his time in a maximum-security prison became a frightening
journey for the Shakespeare family.

"It was hell. I feel like I lost 10 years of my life," Ritter said. Worst
of all, it was "a very long, lonely journey."

The family coped and the kids are now doing well but Ritter was determined
no other family should face a child's battle with drug addiction alone.

The Ritters and four other parents from Wilmot and Wellesley townships were
the driving force behind CLEAN -- Community Link Empowered Against Narcotics.

The group, which offers support and education, was formed in December 2000
in the wake of a drug crisis that gripped Waterloo-Oxford District
Secondary School in Baden that fall.

School staff and residents of rural communities whose children attend
Waterloo-Oxford were shocked to learn that dozens of area teenagers were
smoking heroin and struggling with addiction.

Even though it was two years prior to the heroin outbreak that Ritter's son
faced trafficking charges, she thought sharing her ordeal would help others.

"My husband and I got involved to give other parents hope," she said. "It
really is empowering to realize you're not crazy as a parent (for
suspecting a drug problem)."

Before her children got into serious trouble, Ritter had been baffled by
their odd behaviour, never sure if it was sparked by drugs or simply normal
teenage quirks.

Even when the couple were certain their son was using drugs, they dismissed
it as teenage curiosity.

"We knew he was experimenting with drugs but we expected it was pot," she said.

Gwen and Ron Cook, of New Hamburg, thought the same thing as their son
seemed to struggle at the end of Grade 11, two years before the heroin
problem at Waterloo-Oxford.

"It wasn't too apparent yet that anything was wrong," Cook said.

But the situation deteriorated quickly.

Shortly after starting Grade 12, he and several other kids were picked up
by police off school grounds during school hours, earning him a month of
detentions.

Then he was fired from the part-time job he had held for three years. His
parents were given only sketchy explanations.

Things from their home went missing, too.

"We knew there was a problem and school was going down the tubes," Cook said.

After "a lot of nagging and a lot of pushing" from Cook, their son admitted
he had a problem.

"When we found out what drug it was, it just blew us away. We never thought
we'd hear heroin," Cook said.

It was a wake-up call for the couple who believed rural life would protect
their family from the troubles plaguing neighbouring cities.

The Ritters' rude awakening came when police called to say their son had
been charged with trafficking in marijuana, magic mushrooms and LSD.

After the shock came relief. "When our son got into the trouble with the
law, it was a blessing because it was the beginning of the end," Ritter said.

The Ritters' daughter, who was three years younger, also had a drug
addiction and sought help a year after her brother's conviction. Although
the consequences of her drug abuse weren't as serious as his criminal
record, she dropped from straight A's in primary school to failing Grade 10.

Now the couples help other parents at weekly support meetings in a New
Hamburg church every Monday. Support is a must, the women agreed.

"You definitely need it because there's no rhyme, no reason and no
answers," Cook said.

Education is the group's other mandate. In a society in which drugs are
readily available and easier for teens to buy than alcohol, parents should
be prepared, the women warned.

"Educate yourself before you have issues," Ritter said simply.

That means learning about drugs and taking parenting courses to learn what
to expect. It's also a good idea to discuss limits and expectations with
your spouse to prepare for the inevitable tough situations and decisions
about how to respond.

Young people are susceptible to peer pressure and many start experimenting
with drugs simply because that's what their friends do.

Ritter said her son tried to quit several times but it was difficult
because all his friends were taking drugs.

"I feel blessed that our son did get charged because it made him take a
look at his life and realize what's important," Ritter said.

Although many parents lose touch with their kids during the teen years,
Cook said it's crucial to keep tabs on them.

"Know your kids' friends and their parents and don't be afraid to ask
questions or to call," Cook said.

Signs of drug use are always there although it's easy for parents to
overlook them, the parents said.

Ritter recalled coming home one afternoon and finding her son with some
teenage boys she didn't know. Later, she realized the strangers were there
to buy drugs.

Never ignore a gut feeling that something is wrong, Ritter said. And don't
back down when you think there's a problem.

Perceptive parents who confront their child may fall back into an
unquestioning trust too easily, she said.

"Kids get really good at lying," Ritter said. The difficulty is that "as a
parent, you want to trust your kids."

After almost two years of hosting support meetings and listening to the
tales of other parents, Ritter and Cook are adept at spotting the common
lies many parents unknowingly excuse.

For example, a parent may find a bong or rolling papers in a child's room
but quickly back down from the confrontation when their child says it
belongs to a friend.

It's tempting to ignore the problem and hope it will go away but Ritter
said that's a mistake.

"The sooner you address the problem, the more chance you have of making a
difference," she said.

The challenges aren't over once a child admits to having a drug problem.
Overcoming drug abuse and the havoc it creates in a teenager's life is tough.

"It can be done but it's hard work and there's a lot of pain," Ritter said.
"It was a slow process but I feel my family is stronger for what we worked
through."

Not only must parents forgive their child, they must forgive themselves.

"You feel judged," Cook said simply.

Ritter used to believe that kids with attentive parents and loving families
weren't at risk of abusing drugs.

But "it doesn't mean a thing if that's the choice they make," Ritter said.
"It can happen to anyone."

Talking about drug abuse is helpful in the healing process, the women learned.

"I think it sent a message to our son that what he did wasn't so awful we
couldn't talk about it," Ritter said.

She wishes more people felt comfortable talking openly about drug use.
After her son was arrested, several people, including neighbours and school
administrators, admitted they suspected he was using drugs.

"I was flabbergasted," Ritter said.

She encourages anyone who worries that a teen is struggling with addiction
to talk to the parents.

They may respond angrily to the warning but it will encourage them to
consider the possibility.

"I think it's worth it to put them on alert," Cook said.

Everyone is responsible for protecting kids from drugs, she said.

"Drug use is a community issue. It's not just a family issue," Ritter said.

WARNING SIGNS OF DRUG USE

Changes in mood may include irritability or crankiness, moodiness for no
apparent reason, withdrawal or depression, easily angered.

Physical changes may include weight loss or appetite changes, red eyes,
less attention to appearance and hygiene, difficulty sleeping or sleeping
long hours, energy swings from lethargy to agitation and memory difficulties.

Behaviour and lifestyle changes such as skipping classes or poorer grades,
change of friends and more secrecy about friends, aloofness and evasion,
loss of motivation and increased need for money or stealing.

Objects commonly related to drug use include cigarette rolling papers,
roach clips, hash pipes or glass water pipes, syringes, small vials, pop
bottles or cans with holes punched in them, scorched knives, pills, powders
and other substances you cannot identify and small weigh scales.

WHERE TO TURN

To learn more about drug abuse and treatment:

CLEAN -- Community Link Empowered Against Narcotics -- hosts parent support
meetings every Monday night, except holidays, from 8 to 10 p.m. at Trinity
Lutheran Church, 23 Church St., New Hamburg.

CLEAN is a registered charity, and always in need of donations or volunteers.

The group can be reached at Trinity church at 662-XXXX. Or contact members
directly at 625-XXXX, 662-XXXX and 662-XXXX.

St. Mary's Counselling Service in Kitchener at 30 Duke St. W., or Cambridge
at 51 Water St. N., both at 745-XXXX.

Waterloo Region's community health department at www.region.waterloo.on.ca
or call 883-XXXX in Kitchener and Waterloo, or 621-XXXX in Cambridge.

The Centre for Addiction and Mental Health: www.camh.net or phone
1-800-XXX-XXXX.

The Canadian Centre on Substance Abuse: www.ccsa.ca or phone 613-XXX-XXXX.