HEALTHY PERSPECTIVES: AN OUNCE OF PREVENTION

Few things are as easy and pleasant as informal gatherings with my
neighbors to watch a baseball game, have a barbecue or celebrate a
birthday. We talk about our kids, and that's when things can get scary.
Conversations peppered with teasing and laughter can turn serious fast.

The discussions start innocently enough with topics such as reasonable
amounts of homework, popular and disliked teachers, kids' sports, the most
recent over-the-top birthday party. Inevitably we exchange local news,
lingering on the items about two of our greatest worries, teen sex and
substance abuse.

The latest stories were about middle school children's sexual activity in
the back of the school bus and 13-year-olds drinking to excess. We shiver
from these jolts of reality and often argue back and forth about whether
things are any worse today than when we were kids.

There's one thing we all agree on: we don't want our children to engage in
such risky behaviors. My friend, Pat, comments on raising her 4- and
7-year-olds: "That's why I'm leaning on them now, because by the time
they're thirteen, it's too late." And she is probably right.

On average, young people take their first drink at age 12. Fairfield County
has one of the highest rates of teenage drinking in the country. More than
60 percent of high school teens report drug use in their school. We know
that substance abuse significantly increases the chance of high-risk sexual
behavior. If national trends continue, we will soon find ourselves calling
it "preteen" substance abuse. So we parents of elementary and middle school
children should be worried.

The National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse agrees. Its chairman,
Joseph Califano, states: "Parent power is unquestionably the most
underestimated tool. There is nothing more important that we can see in the
work we've done."

"Hands-on" parents, as Califano calls them, raise children who are much
less likely to use drugs. What do hands-on parents do? They keep informed,
stay involved, establish and enforce limits, and send clear messages about
expectations. These parents have ongoing communication with their children
about how they are doing. They talk with their kids.

"Parents who try to develop lines of communication with their already
troubled kids find they are too late," says Barry Halpin, prevention
specialist for LMG's Youth Options Programs. "You need to have built that
kind of relationship over the years." Open communication is a pattern that
takes years to establish.

Examples of hands-on parenting include monitoring and, if necessary,
placing restrictions on TV watching, Internet surfing and music purchases.
Knowing where your children are after school and on weekends and keeping a
curfew are other examples. CASA's survey indicates that teens whose parents
set few rules have four times the risk for substance abuse. It's about more
than rules, however; it's about being engaged in the lives of our children.

Regular involvement is an essential factor. Hands-on parents are very aware
of their children's school performance. Their children have household
responsibilities -- good old-fashioned chores. Dinner is eaten together six
or seven times weekly and the television is not invited to join the family.

And when it comes to hands-on parenting, our words are as important as our
actions. The messages of caring and concern need to be given out loud along
with clear expectations. "I will be extremely upset if you use marijuana"
is much more direct than "I don't approve of marijuana and hope you will
know better than to use it."

Parents who want to communicate with their children about high-risk
behaviors need to be informed about the challenges teens face. LMG Programs
publishes Pointers for Parents -- a newsletter from the Youth Options
program -- to educate parents about the latest trends in teen substance
abuse. Obtain a copy by logging on to the LMG Web site at
www.lmgprograms.org or by calling 325-1511.

My neighbor, Pat, has the right idea. She knows that if she hopes to raise
children who make smart choices about sex, alcohol and drugs, she needs to
lay the groundwork now. As for my group of neighborhood parents -- we are
committing to watch out for each other's children as they face the
challenges and temptations that are part of growing up in our community.