OUR GOVERNMENT IS TOTALLY STONED

Our stupefied federal government will pass a law decriminalizing posession
of an ounce of pot. This will be possibly one of the less inane things our
supposedly straight-laced, sober-thinking legislators have done this year.
What inane things you may ask?

Firstly we just found out that if a shootin' war starts, our air force
hasn't any bombs. We used them all up in Kosovo, and it seems someone
forgot to reorder them. We'll have to drop moral indignation and cow
cookies on Iraq when the shooting starts I suppose. "Vern, how could ya dun
ferget ta order the gal-dang bombs"?

Was someone a little "wasted" in National Defence?

Secondly, we have been told that we don't have enough ships to patrol the
Grand Banks to protect our fisheries. Sending that one ship to the Gulf
seems to have been one too many I guess.

As I write this I'm sure the Portuguese and Spanish fleets are having
fervid orgies with much sex and accordion playing in our waters, now that
our backs are turned, and get this, we're not invited!

Someone in coastal defence a little zonked on Mary Jane perhaps? A little
too much reefer madness maybe Mr. McCallum?

Lastly, a program to register guns, which was supposed to pay for itself,
cost us a few hundred times the estimate made by the prissy gadfly Allan (I
musta got the decimal in the wrong place) Rock. Do you think Allan inhaled
when he was younger? I'll betcha he smoked half o' Jamaica and Acapulco to
boot.

All of the above presided over by our lovable and totally "bent moron" J.C.

If he and Bush were to have a game of Trivial Pursuit, they'd be well into
the second week of play before either one would claim a piece of the pie .
. . by accident.

So don't worry that the Liberals are about to decriminalize small
quantities of pot in the land that stands on guard for thee (as long as our
boat isn't away in the Gulf). It is the least obtuse thing a totally stoned
government has done this session.

In closing, allowing small amounts of weed won't make users any stupider.
They could never be as stupid as those who lead us.

As the old proverb goes in the second book of Hezekiah, "if our wise
counselors smoketh the vile and evil weed, the people will longeth for the
time their gums shall blacken and their foreskins will fall off with mighty
vengeance and fury, rendering our counsellors impotent to torment us with
further foolish laws" . . . I hope.

James Hagarty

Cambridge