Series: Four Lives, One Last Chance - A Year In Drug Court: Part 29 Of 41

ACT IV. VERNON: 'I'D RATHER BE DEAD THAN IN JAIL'

It's not that he's scared of jail.

He's scared of getting used to it.

Vernon has been locked up dozens of times in his 29 years, so he knows how
to fit in with the young drug crowd filling the bunks and peering from
behind the bars.

But this time, when he sees the young dealers parading around the cellblock
talking about their drug money, Vernon feels old. He tries to tell the
young cats about the error of their ways, but they look at him as just
another guy in an orange jumpsuit. To find himself in this environment,
while honestly wanting to change his life, makes his chest burn and his
stomach churn.

To make matters worse, this stay could be the beginning of a long
incarceration. He's been kicked out of Drug Court, and it will be weeks
before the judge decides what to do.

Vernon could serve a full five years in prison. He could go to the city
farm or a boot camp. Or, if the judge changes his mind, he could be allowed
back into the program. But Vernon isn't holding out much hope for that.

In the meantime, all he can do is sit in an overcrowded cellblock and bear
the weight of his emotions.

At times, the bitterness is so strong that all he can talk about is serving
his time and getting out of Virginia. But then there's a cell mate who
encourages Vernon to stick with Drug Court - if the judge gives him another
chance.

Vernon knows this is good advice. He also knows he's still dealing with a
host of troubling issues from his past and from his drug use. If he doesn't
take this chance to straighten out his life, he may never survive, much
less resolve his addiction.

And the more he thinks about it, the simpler the program seems.

Stay off drugs.

Go to meetings.

Go to work.

Open a savings account.

Why can't he follow simple instructions?

Deep down, Vernon wants to graduate from Drug Court, if for nothing more
than tasting a sense of accomplishment for the first time. He dropped out
of high school. He failed out of his first prison boot camp. It would be
nice to stick with something to the end.

Whatever his fate, Vernon has vowed never to go back to jail.

He's going crazy in a place with almost nothing to keep him occupied. He
gets 45 minutes of exercise once or twice a week. The food tastes awful.
There are few phones and lousy books. Then he mouthed off to a guard and
had his visitation rights taken away.

One night, he dreamed that he had a nervous breakdown.

"I ain't coming back here," he says.

"I'd rather be dead than in jail."