N DRUGS GO BAD

What should law enforcement officers do, if they find a bunch of towering
marijuana plants growing in your backyard? A) Destroy all the plants and
arrest you on sight? B) Destroy only some of the plants, if you can prove
that you really are a medical marijuana patient? C) Count and photograph the
plants, take some samples, and ask you to show a medical marijuana
recommendation, ASAP?

Sheriff's deputy Kim Allyn says C is the preferred option in liberal ol'
Santa Cruz County. (Let us not forget that it was machine gun-toting feds,
not the Sheriff's Department, that whacked WAMM's 167 plants back in
September 2002.)

So, why then did the Sheriff's Department chop 30 plants belonging to
medical marijuana patients Wilfredo DeJesus and Kali mBula, only two weeks
after the WAMM raid?

"Because they were in their house with an expired prescription, shitloads of
magic mushrooms and a bunch of cash. What were we supposed to do?" says an
exasperated Allyn. "If the pair had wanted to be diligent medical marijuana
patients, they should have kicked out the people selling the mushrooms, not
grown an army of plants, and kept their prescriptions up to date."

Readers may recall that DeJesus and mBula were found with lapsed medical
marijuana recommendations, 12 pounds of psilocybin mushrooms and $12,000
cash in their residence. But another tenant ended up being booked for the
'shroom possession. And after DeJesus and mBula provided updated
prescriptions and enlisted the help of attorney Ben Rice, a judge ordered
their 10 pounds of pot returned, which it was by year's end, which would
have been a nice belated Xmas present, had it not all been "a la moldy."

Wo/Men's Medical Marijuana Alliance co-founder Valerie Corral agrees that it
isn't a good idea to cloud the issue with something like an expired
prescription when you're growing marijuana.

"But that still doesn't take away your right to take your medicine," says
Corral, adding that there are many reasons why a person's medical marijuana
recommendation could have lapsed--including the fact that some doctors may
charge $250 to prescribe the green stuff.

But while DeJesus, who has had several run-ins with the Sheriff's Department
before, wishes the deputies had at least left him "seven plants like
before," Rice, who is on WAMM's legal defense team, says the group fears a
numbers system would be inappropriate and too conservative.

Some jurisdictions, including the cities of Berkeley, Oakland and San
Francisco, have already established guidelines as to how many plants a
medical marijuana patient can grow, but, as Rice points out, legislating the
number of plants doesn't address how much pot you will actually end up with.

"That's influenced by whether you grow in a container indoors, or outdoors
and in the ground, and whether plants are in shade or in sunlight," says
Rice, who describes DeJesus' and mBula's dopeless dilemma as "outrageous."

"Cutting down plants puts people who are ill in the position of having to
buy medicine on the street, where they risk getting ripped off or buying
stuff that's been chemically messed with, via fertilizers and steroids.
That's bad if you're already sick. The deputies should have simply counted
the plants and let the DA's office make the call."

Meanwhile, deputy Allyn acknowledges that "with the DEA eliminating all of
WAMM's resources, a lot of patients are giving their excess plants to the
beleaguered cooperative. But trying to regulate medical marijuana is like a
can of oil--it's hard to maintain integrity."

"And don't go screaming at the sheriff's office because your marijuana's
gone soggy," says Allyn. "Are we in the business of managing a marijuana
farm?"

Well, hopefully not, 'cause judging from that mold it would be the crappiest
marijuana farm ever! However, as huge fans of Super Troopers, Nüz has to
admit that would be pretty cool. (Meow.)