SMOKING A 'SUPER' BOWL

Very rarely has the broadcast of a Super Bowl incited me with enough anger
to consider putting an ax through my television set. No, I'm not talking
about Tampa Bay's improbable world championship (I refuse to acknowledge
the Bucs as legitimate champions until they get rid of the classless clown
duo of Keyshawn Johnson and Warren "pick-a-fight-with-the-opposing-coach"
Sapp). It's the advertising.

Corporate America's blatant control of our media was never more apparent
than in the third quarter, when an anti-marijuana advertisement was aired
in the face of several beer commercials.

The ad details a couple analyzing the results of a pregnancy test. The
camera pans over to the couple's teenage daughter, her guilty expression
indicating that it is, in fact, her pregnancy test that has come back
positive. Text then scrolls across the screen, with something along the
lines of, "Marijuana can alter your inhibitions." I know this is not the
exact text, but I was too busy sticking pins in my Brad Johnson voodoo doll
to notice.

Okay, fine. We do need to be informed that there are some harmful
substances out there that can cause us to make stupid decisions. We can't
have our teenage daughters getting pregnant just because a little green bud
clouded their judgment. Fair enough. It's nice to know that someone in this
soulless world of mass profit cares for our children, right?

Except that it's not really that simple. How many beer commercials were
aired during the same broadcast? At rough count, it averaged about one ad
per commercial break. When you also consider that most of those commercials
used sex as their main selling point (i.e., drink this particular beer and
it's easier to get laid), the airing of the anti-drug anti-sex spot seems
downright hypocritical of ABC.

Could it be that the teenage girl had unwanted sex due to a one-night
kegstand or a couple of shots of Everclear? This isn't included as a
possibility in the commercial, but it's very possible. Alcohol can get
people quite randy; the drunk, horny frat guy is quite a popular stereotype
among SMU's prominent greek community. True, pot may also get some people
in the mood for nookie, but ABC's refusal to broadcast the dangers of both
alcohol and marijuana are what really stand out.

To be sure, they did include a small advertisement toward the end of the
4th quarter about designated driving, but by that time most beer-drinkers
would be too drunk to heed the message. If ABC was truly concerned about
drunk drivers, they would have aired that commercial in the 1st quarter.
But then that might deter people from drinking . . .

And that's what it really boils down to. It's really not about keeping your
kids safe or providing factual information on marijuana. It's about
satisfying the fat cats that fill our TV network execs' pockets with
advertising revenue. They know that sex can sell beer and can broadcast the
message that sex and alcohol are very closely associated with each other.

When the consequences come back to haunt the TV execs, they choose to blame
it on the marijuana boogey-man. In other words, it's okay to get loaded as
long as you make a buck for the beer company. It's okay if your teenage
daughter chooses to screw if she's drunk, but not if she's stoned.

I'd like to challenge our networks to air a truthful, unbiased commercial
about marijuana use. And by truth, I do not mean the kind supplied by an
interest group that makes profit off of the illegality of marijuana. I mean
the kind of conclusions that state that marijuana is harmful, yes, but no
more so than the cigarettes and booze we peddle in our mass media. That it
is possible to become psychologically addicted to marijuana. That, as silly
as it seems, there is such a thing as responsible marijuana use.

In other words, I would like to see an advertisement that explores both
sides of the drug issue. Any time someone approaches me with a completely
one-sided stance on an issue that is by nature two-sided, I'm usually wary
of their motives.

Nothing in this world is black and white, but those "Truth: The Anti-Drug"
commercials would certainly like us to believe that it is.

So the next time you see a blatant anti-marijuana ad on TV, take a deep
breath (hit?) and try to ask what exactly the advertisement advocates. Then
watch the subsequent Miller Lite commercial and ask if it promotes the same
message.

I did that once, and here's what I found.

Marijuana can alter your perceptions and incite you to shoot your best
friend by accident.

Beer, on the other hand, can turn even the most docile females into vicious
mud-wrestling lesbians.