DRUG EDUCATION SHOULD BEGIN AT HOME

Melissa uses crank with her mother. It's hard for her to stop using because
she sees her mother putting it up her own nose every day. She tells me she
doesn't want to wind up like her mom -- complaining about money, ignoring
her children, irritable and angry.

Jeanette's stepdad has given her pot for a couple of years now. She's a
junior. She frequently smokes with him and her mom. It's something they do
together. She says it's become a part of her daily routine. Like Melissa,
it's hard for Jeanette to stop because every evening just the smell of her
stepdad's joint destroys her resolve to quit.

Parents using illegal drugs is not the main reason children use, but for the
kids involved, it certainly makes it OK to use. I hear about parent use
often enough that I am no longer shocked, just deeply saddened by the
terrible crime these parents are perpetrating on their vulnerable children

Basically, children use drugs and drink alcohol for the same reason adults
do: It makes them feel better. For adults, feeling good from alcohol is
legal. I asked a student the other day why she uses crank when she thinks
"it's so gross." She replied: "I feel so good. I have lots of energy, too."
She added, "I just hate it when I come down; I feel awful then."

Students tell me they get away from their problems when they are high. They
can relax. Drugs eliminate stress. What on earth stresses out a 14- to
17-year-old? Here's what some of the students in the Insight Group (for
students concerned about their drug use) say stresses them.

Marissa has seen her stepfather hit her mom several times. She has watched
the police take him out the front door and watched him come back through the
same door a few hours later. There is no father around for her to move in
with.

Anna lives with her mom and stepdad, who is a drug addict. Her mother is a
co-addict. Anna tried living with her dad, but he's a rage-addict so it
didn't work out.

Eddie's dad and mom divorced last year. When Eddie is with his dad, he hears
all about how awful his mother is. He's scared of his dad, so he doesn't ask
him to stop talking about Mom, and he doesn't think Dad would anyway.

Juan's mother and father fight all the time. Juan will stay sober for a
couple of days, but when the yelling gets too loud, he goes outside to smoke
a joint.

Cheryl's dad is verbally abusive. The list goes on and on. Drugs eliminate
all these problems, at least for a while.

Some teens will try some drugs because they are simply curious. They want to
know what all the fuss is about. If they have a strong and nurturing family,
that's usually as far as it goes, and they will go on living out their
dreams. We know from all the research that youth who feel connected to their
families are less likely to engage in high-risk behavior. But if they go
home to unhappy homes, they may well seek relief by using mood-altering
substances and prefer that altered state to reality. Isn't it the same with
adults?

We go home dragging the day's stress behind us, looking forward to a drink
or two to take away the sharp edges. Kids want to smooth out those sharp
edges, too. How are we going to show teens how to cope with life's problems
without looking at our own use? How many use liquor to become more
scintillating at parties, as a dance partner at our friend's wedding? Can we
enjoy football without the beer? Or simply, can we enjoy each other without
the drinks?

In the Children of Alcoholics group, lots of the students use drugs. The
straight-edge kids (those who shun liquor and drugs) ask the users, "How can
you use when you see what drugs (or alcohol) have done to your parent?"

Tara's dad is a pill addict, and her mom an alcoholic. The police have been
to their home several times because the neighbors get sick and tired of the
yelling. Tara has come to my office several mornings because of what went on
at home the night before. Her answer to those straight-edge students would
be, "How can you not?" Life, for Tara, is more palatable after a drink or
"smoking a bowl."

But there are those like Rachel who won't touch a drop of liquor if she
lives to 199. Her mom's alcoholism and dad's drug addiction have scarred
her, but scared her straight, for life.

I went to an addiction seminar recently. Addiction, the speaker said, is a
problem of the feelings. Our nurse at Buena referred to it the other day as
a "disease of the spirit." As one little girl said to me, "I was depressed
and sad all the time, but when I did crystal meth, I got happy. It was fun."
Many of us adults also want to feel something a little, or a lot, different,
so we drink or use drugs. Just like the kids.

While it can be dangerous for adults to use drugs/alcohol, it is especially
damaging for teens. First, their brains are still developing, and
alcohol/drugs affect that process adversely.

Second, alcohol and drugs change the chemical structure of the brain,
causing depression. So what they do to combat depression also drives the
depression. Tough cycle to break.

Third, because their bodies are immature, children can become addicted in a
few months, compared with several years for an adult.

Fourth, teens who use aren't learning how to cope with life's many problems
in intelligent, growth-enhancing ways. They don't know how to talk sanely
about their problems. They haven't developed important communication skills
because they've avoided all problems by using.

Finally, and most importantly, the child who uses doesn't get to know
him/herself. If one is shut down emotionally, he never gets to discover who
he really is. As e.e. cummings said, "It takes courage to grow up to be who
you were meant to be." Many youngsters and adults don't have that kind of
courage. "Dad gets mad at me, I'm scared to talk to him, so I'll just get
high." "My girlfriend broke up with me and I don't want to be sad, so I'll
get drunk." "I hate listening to my mother complain about my dad, but I
don't know how to ask her to stop, so I'll get stoned."

I was at a meeting of the Ventura County Collaborative for Youth at our
school district's office a few months ago. A young woman stood up and said
to all of us: "I drank when I was in high school because I had a bad home
life, and I didn't like myself. It made me feel better. I knew it wasn't
good for me."

More education will not deter students from using drugs/alcohol. The best
prevention tool is to be found in the family, not in the classroom. Home --
a place where kids must be valued, listened to and loved. I know it's more
than that, and I know it's important for students to feel valued by their
teachers and other school staff as well, but the home is where drug
education begins.

The bottom line is, kids use drugs/alcohol because they feel better. So, my
question is, what is making them feel so bad? Let's address that.