ASHCROFT HAVING PIPE DREAMS

Attorney General John Ashcroft says the illegal drug paraphernalia industry
has invaded our homes. The invasion apparently occurred without our
knowledge. One of the investigations has been named "Pipe Dreams," which
describes Ashcroft's behavior even before he was appointed to office.

The next logical step in Ashcroft's drug war will be to go after the
manufacturers of stick matches. Presumably stick match paraphernalia has
been implicated in the business of smoking drugs, and those match
manufacturers should be jailed immediately and all their match boxes hauled
away as evidence of criminality.

Since reading Ashcroft's statement, I have carefully searched our home. So
far, I have found no evidence of a paraphernalia invasion, but I did find
an attractive glass pipe my wife said came from Avon. I always knew the
people in the perfume industry were covering up something!

JOHN FLUENT

Eugene