THERE IS HELP FOR FAMILIES WITH KIDS ON DRUGS

This is the story of a child who could easily have reached the ultimate
rock-bottom. We are writing it because she didn't, and because we know the
story is all too common. There many good parents among the readership of
this paper. By "good" we mean those who actively support their children's
schools, stand in the rain at soccer games, create good fun and cherished
memories at family gatherings, welcome their children's friends into their
home. The terrible truth is that the world of these parents and their
children can be turned 180 degrees in a very short time, from contentment
to hell. It happened to us.

Our little girl got along well with her peers. Despite a little shyness,
she had special close friends. She took jazz and tap dance and piano
lessons. She loved to sing, alone and with a choir. She was in the top
percentile of her class in school and did her homework with no more than
the usual complaining. She took responsibility for pets, including her horse.

The downward spiral began when she was about 12, with symptoms we ascribed
as long as we could to the normal onset of adolescence: dropping grades,
schoolwork that didn't get turned-in, loss of interest in her hobbies and
friends and, a few times, evidence of experimentation with cigarettes. By
the time she was 16, we were finding cigarettes by the pack, sleeping with
one eye open to keep her from sneaking out at night, learning that she was
skipping classes two or three times a week, realizing her answer to queries
about her whereabouts and activities would inevitably be a lie, dealing
with anger and foul language on a daily basis, finally realizing that she
was coming home stoned on marijuana she could get any time from a local
high-school dropout and drug dealer. Her former friends identified her new
friends as "the losers". Now we were hiding money and car keys, and often
looking for her all over town.

During this stormy time we tried every conceivable discipline strategy,
sought counseling, tried to enlist help from her school. We were not
overly-indulgent, lenient about discipline, or reluctant to address and
resolve conflicts. But we were failing. Our family now fit the profile of
"dysfunctional."

We went from worrying about getting our daughter through school to fearing
for her very life. We knew her self-destructive activities were going to
continue, that nothing we could do would stop her. Her lies were getting
more sophisticated. She was drinking and smoking marijuana and cigarettes
regularly. She assured us she could count on her new friends to hide her if
she ran away, and she threatened often to run away. She identified herself
with a youth subculture here; in a community thought by many to be "safe"
its influence was powerful and pervasive. Our attempts to intervene were
not enough. Our prayers were not enough.

We considered all options. We believed, for example, that a 3-month
wilderness program would return her too quickly to succeed. We rejected the
idea of letting the legal system have her. We wanted so much to free her,
to send her someplace where her peers could not reach her, where she would
have the time and help she needed to regain her self-respect and recover
her strengths. We sought advice and searched the internet for months, and
finally found the residential treatment program we needed.

Our daughter is thriving now. She is talking seriously about future goals,
excelling academically and socially, taking leadership roles in a new and
positive community of kids. Most important, she is at peace with herself
demonstrating inner happiness, her old exuberance and love of life. We miss
her terribly, but she will soon attain a level that will allow her to
return home, equipped with the skills she will need to avoid deadly habits
and the wrong friends.

A professional counselor has helped us through this painful time, and we
are part of a parents' group that meets regularly to work on their own
issues, preparing to provide the best possible support when their children
come home. If our story is something like yours, we refer you, with
permission, to our "angel," D. Dalton at 1-800-637-0701, ext. 102, contact
code: BANCROFT/31CCON. The website is www.teenagers-at-risk.com.

Lois Bancroft

Stanwood, Wash.