MCGILL SEEKS POT EXCLUSIVITY DEAL

Funds To Go To Student Rehabilitation Programs

The late Students' Society President Martin Doe announced Friday that the
University administration was soliciting proposals from local marijuana
dealers to establish an exclusivity deal for distribution on campus.

"This would cut back on the number of independent operators, and give
students a guarantee that the weed they smoke is McGill-certified," said
Doe as he took a long toke from one of the submitted samples. "The extra
revenue will directly benefit the student body."

The up-front fee that will be paid by the crime syndicate that submits a
winning bid will be used to establish a new scholarship that will send one
needy McGill student to a year in the Betty Ford Clinic.

SSMU President-elect Naeem Datoo was ecstatic that negotiations had begun.

"Personally, I'm a little bit tired off all the choices that are available.
M-39, Northern Lights, Shiva Skunk. In the end, they all give me red eyes
and a strange desire for Alto's poutine. Hopefully by next year, students
will be able to get quality hydroponics in all Sadie's locations and in
select vending machines on campus."

Current SSMU executives and University administrators refuse to disclose
the contenders for the contract, but a discarded phone bill found by the
Weekly revealed that a conference call between the SSMU office, Principal
Heather Munroe-Blum, Dean of Students Bruce Shore and Bordeaux Prison took
place between 3:37 and 4:20 am last Thursday. Bordeaux Prison currently
houses Maurice 'Mom' Boucher, the alleged head of the elite Nomad club of
the Hell's Angels.

Board of Governors Chairman Robert Rabinovitch, reached at home where he
said he was "considering the options," told the Weekly, "Du-u-u-u-u-de!"
and giggled before hanging up the phone.