Part 1 of 2

DELVING INTO THE DEPTHS OF A DRUG DEALER

Here's what I did: I found a drug dealer who sells out of his house and was
willing to talk to me. I then sat down and asked him questions. What it is
is a portion of a question-and-answer with someone who doesn't usually get
a chance to speak. What it is not, is a how-to for drug dealing. It isn't
meant to change anyone's mind. It is just one person's side of a story we
don't often get to hear.

What are some misperceptions that you see about drug dealers?

That we all have nice Porsches or Mercedes and we hang out around
elementary schools and try to push drugs on little kids. I don't do kiddy
porn, and I don't have prostitutes. That's pretty much what I do bad. I
don't go around and shoot people. And no, I don't own a gun.

Do you sell drugs to kids?

I don't do it. I pretty much do college and adult business. I don't target
children, I don't sell to children and I don't allow them in my house.

Are you saying drug dealing isn't a lucrative business?

It's a lucrative business, it's good money, but I don't drive a Porsche. I
make better money than working full time for 8-9 bucks an hour. I don't
have a boss. That's kind of nice.

Do you do drugs yourself?

Oh, tons. Tons of drugs. When I got really severely into drugs was when I
started selling them, you can't help it. You can't sell drugs and not do
them. Well, you can, but how many people are gonna' want to buy drugs from
you unless you're sitting there doing it with them.

Did your parents do drugs?

No, my mom and dad have never done drugs, not even marijuana. My dad
doesn't even drink. My mom's an alcoholic.

Where are you at in the big picture of the drug scene?

Low on the totem pole. I don't have any connection with where it's grown or
with anybody who grows it, or anybody who distributes it here. I'm the end
guy. I get it out to those who smoke it.

What kind of drugs do you deal?

Mostly just pot. I have sold crank, coke, acid, mushrooms, X and GHB.

What does it depend on?

I have clientele that is solely based for marijuana. I don't really want
powder customers, like crank and coke; you get a totally different kind of
clientele. They're the kind of mother fuckers that when you're not home
they're gonna' break into your house to get the shit because they're
hard-up and fiending. I don't need that in my house. I do it once in a
while, I'll get rid of some crank or coke when I want to do it myself, but
I never do it as a regular business. Marijuana is my regular business.

What kind of customers do you have?

I have basically two groups of people: lower-class adults - mothers and
fathers, hard-working people - and college students.

Do you see a difference in the way the two groups use?

Yes I do, but also I see similarities. I think a lot of the college
students are more into the experimenting or just have found drugs. It's
more partying and socializing for them, whereas some of the older people
tend to rely on it to get through their day. But I see that in college
students, too. College students have more money to afford it to be honest
with you.

Drug dealing: perpetuating the problem or filling a role?

I don't think that it makes it worse. In fact, I think that my selling
drugs makes it better. I'm not fucking anybody over. I treat everybody
respectfully. I don't sell shit to anybody that's gonna' make them sick or
die. Yeah, if I wasn't doing it someone else would be doing it, but that's
not why I sell drugs. I do it because it's a living. I do think that if I
wasn't doing it, someone else would step up. There are plenty of people out
there doing it now. The number one reason is minimum wage.

What's your reason?

I have mental illness so I bounced around from a lot of jobs. I always get
fired. I'm an honest person, always treat people with respect. I work my
ass off. I always get fired because I don't get along with my coworkers
cause I have an anger problem because I'm bipolar. And you know this drug
thing? I have mental illness - we don't stay employed very easily. I don't
ever get fired from it. And if I'm depressed and can't get out of bed, well
I can get out of bed to sell a 20 sack or an ounce of weed. It makes it
very convenient. I don't have to worry about how I'm paying my rent or how
I'm gonna' put food on the table.

How did you start getting into dealing drugs?

What got me into it was the money. Back in the day when I was poor and
worked my ass off like 60 hours a fucking week. Can you say "fuck" in the
Daily Nebraskan?

If it's a direct quote, yes.

No shit? That's nice. I busted my ass hard. I used to go over to this
dealer's house. And he'd have tons of people there and he'd have hefty
garbage sacks full of weed, and he'd have tons of them in his closet and
every one of the people there would be dealers that he'd supply and
everyone would be passing around all this weed and everybody had just fat
wads of cash, and I was just like fuck, dude, I want some of this. He just
enticed me with all the money, and his nice car, and all his nice things,
and how easy it was. And I started out very little, like buying a QP at a
time. Now I do like 10 pounds a week. So I'd just sink my whole paycheck
into buying drugs from him and I'd come back here and sell 'em, and dude,
I'd have doubled my money. And the more drugs you buy - the bigger the lump
sum - the cheaper you get them for, and if you sell them for the same
price, your profit's just gonna' go up.

Do you have a regular job?

I do, but it's laughable. I work one day a week.

Why?

It keeps me in check with the real world. It gets me outside of my house.
It makes me feel better about myself that I'm going out and earning
legitimate money and seeing that I'm not such a piece of shit that I'm
unable to do that anymore, that I'm still functional in a normal society.

Do you like dealing drugs?

I used to fucking love it. A couple years ago I fucking adored it. It's
really nice being the center of everybody's affection. And the money is
wonderful.

I never used to be able to buy Christmas presents for my family because I
was too poor to even put food on my table. And now at Christmas time I deck
'em the fuck out. And that's drugs.

Now I hate it. I'm addicted to it and I can't quit it because it's how I
make my living, and I can't see myself making a living in normal society. I
just don't think it's possible. I'm working toward that, but I'm not there.
What am I supposed to do in the meantime? I'm sick of people coming to my
house to get drugs, and making my house dirty, and disrespecting my house
and stealing my belongings. You know, there are a lot of dishonest people
that come with this lifestyle. I'm sick of having to stay up till 6 or 7 in
the morning every fucking morning because I have business that stays here
that long. I'm sick of living in fear of talking on my phone or going
outside my house and wondering if the cops are there with a warrant or
being pulled over and getting fucked with stuff on me.

Yeah, that's scary shit. That's real. It happens. I don't want to go to
jail. And I very much know the reality that if I do get caught, I'm going
to jail. I'm not retarded.

Is there anything you still like about it?

The money and getting high, and as far as that's concerned, I want to quit
using drugs. I want to own my life again, but it's hard. When you have such
an easy escape, when your life sucks so fucking much that you just get
bombed off your ass so you just don't give a fuck for a couple hours?
That's really hard to give up.