Guest Commentary

One Person's Viewpoint

DRUG-TESTING AT VALLEY FORGE

Last week the most recent drug scandal took everyone's attention away
from lead-painted Chinese Christmas toys, and no wonder. Who among us
has not walked across a dark parking lot fearing an attack by a
spaced-out baseball team leaping out from behind a Yugo? And that
scary rustle of leaves outside one's bedroom window in the middle of
the night - that's not Grendel; that's a steroid-zombie outfielder
hungry for human flesh.

George Mitchell's many pages of he-said / he-said (there seems to be
no she-said) tittle-tattle and McCarthy-ite lists are interesting
reading, but one doubts that Mr. Mitchell himself will be required to
pee into a cup before he gets paid lots and lots of taxpayers' money
for repeating gossip.

If the drug menace is properly addressed in baseball players, the
focus should be expanded to practitioners other critical fields of
endeavor, such as chess players, cooking-show hosts, and dancingwith
the-stars contestants.

The purity of sport - but no drug-testing for newscasters, writers,
movie stars, or the weird little man in the bedsheet mumbling what he
says are prayers at the airplane departure gate.

How drug-free and clear is the mind of someone freezing - since the
ice has cut the power to his heater - in midwestern blizzards while
working out in said mind - since the ice has cut the power to his
computer - a stern letter to capitalist oppressors about global warming?

People who walk around with tin crickets stuck to their ears and
talking to themselves is definitely in need of testing for something
- - such as a life.

Have you noticed that drug testing is aimed at the working people in
America, not at the deadbeats? An argument can be made that a pilot
or trucker or railway engineer should be tested for drugs, but why
are lazy, useless layabouts (Congress comes to mind) the pilot or
trucker or railway engineer must support never tested?

If a young man must pee into a cup before throwing a baseball, should
not a priest or minister do the same before giving a sermon? After
all, which event is more important?

If a citizen is accused of a drug-related crime, true justice
requires that the investigators and attorneys and judges prove
themselves drug-free first - here's your cup, your honor.

The Constitution gives the people three branches of government - the
executive, the legislative, and the judicial; no mention is made in
that venerable document of fourth and fifth branches, the contract
medical lab and MySpace. Let us have a return to justice for all, not
suspicion and humiliation for some Americans and class privilege for others.