IT ALL HAPPENED MAY 6, 2023

Smoking activist Rene Levesque was detained yesterday after he tried to
smoke a cigarette in the last fast-food outlet in the Lower Mainland.

Mr. Levesque, 23, chanting "Death before detention," was escorted from the
Tim Hortons at Pender and Howe. The store is scheduled to close by the end
of the week. Tim Hortons is pulling out of Vancouver after refusing to sell
only soy-based products sauteed in olive oil in compliance with provincial
legislation.

Mr. Levesque, born Stanley Liu, changed his name to honour his hero, a
former Quebec premier in the last century who was rarely seen without a
cigarette dangling from his mouth.

Patrons lining up for last crullers were shocked when the young man sat
down, rolled up the rim on his coffee cup and pulled out a cigarette and lit
up. Several patrons wearing masks in response to the latest SARS-Plus scare
tackled Mr. Levesque, stamped out the cigarette and called the fire
department.

Several burly firefighters carried out the man, and transported him to the
Public Safety and Psychological Sanitation Facility, where he will undergo a
personality assessment.

Mr. Levesque's lawyer, veteran civil-rights advocate Phil Rankin, refused to
comment, saying only that the imposition of life sentences for contempt of
court makes it dangerous to utter a peep in defence of a client.

Premier Larry Campbell, reached at the Kerrisdale Safe Ingestion House,
issued a wireless after his siesta. "Multi Columbia has been in the
forefront of the war against tobacco. It's hard to believe that, 20 years
ago, tobacco and alcohol were legal while innocent marijuana, heroin and
speedball users were routinely persecuted. Now we can all get wasted without
fear of wasting our lives."

Opposition Leader Christy Clark responded bitterly to Mr. Campbell's
statement. "The streets are hardly safe when anyone can walk into a crowded
restaurant and smoke a cigarette. What's next -- hot dog vendors on the
street?"

She called on the NDP to pay for bio-assessments of all those people who had
been exposed to secondhand smoke in the coffee shop. "At the same time as
Premier Campbell exposes people to the proven dangers of lard and tobacco,
he has failed to make life-affirming resources -- heroin and marijuana --
freely available in our schools."

Ms. Clark, a minister of education early in her career, has frequently
called for free distribution of marijuana and heroin in schools to prevent
increased dealer activity, especially at recess. Children have complained
that schoolyard price-fixing is putting quality resources out of their
reach.

Meantime, columnist Paul Sullivan, 73, has been charged under the hate
crimes section of the Criminal Code for defending Mr. Levesque in the North
Shore News. Mr. Sullivan was apprehended by fire department personnel as he
participated in the Marathon of Hope for Heterosexuals in Stanley Park. "It
took awhile to run him down and get him into a straitjacket," said emergency
tactical response leader Stacey Crunch.

"It's not that I condone smoking," huffed Mr. Sullivan. "But I support the
guy's right to express himself freely. I mean, what are we, a police state?"

Patrick Watson, dean of Canadian journalists, said the police have nothing
to do with the issue -- it's just a matter of public safety. "I mean, you
can't yell 'Fire!' in a crowded public mindspace. It's as simple as that."