CANADA'S POT ISSUE IGNITES A WACKY FEAR

If international relations were a movie, Canada would be one of those
demure heroines who remains in the background for most of the film but
surprises the audience at a pivotal moment by standing up to -- or ignoring
- -- the leading man.

It's as if we have to be reminded now and then that our closest neighbor is
a nation unto itself. Our economic fates may be joined at the hip, and
Michiganders may continue to find Ontario less exotic or threatening than
Florida, Texas or (God knows) California.

But that sovereign state thing never really goes away. And now -- just when
you thought it was safe to go back to Toronto -- our licentious friends
across the Detroit River are flexing their independence again.

Sunday's Toronto Globe and Mail reported that the Canadian parliament may
take up legislation decriminalizing possession of marijuana in amounts
below 15 grams -- the quantity found in about 20 cigarettes -- as soon as
Thursday. If it's adopted, a person caught with a few joints would escape
with a ticket and a small fine. Drivers, stop your engines!

The Bush administration, which admirably resisted international hysteria
over Ontario's SARS outbreak, has displayed markedly less composure in the
face of decriminalized pot.

John Walters, the White House drug czar, has stumped Canada from the
Atlantic provinces to Vancouver, warning about the proposal's impact on
Canadian youth and, more ominously, cross-border trade.

The U.S. Drug Enforcement Administration says relaxation of Canada's
cannabis law would force customs officials here to increase scrutiny of
vehicles entering Detroit, increasing costly delays at the busiest truck
crossing in North America.

So let me get this straight: Right now, with the nation's foreign and
domestic policymakers grimly focused on preventing the next 9/11 and
security officials fretting about the ease with which terrorists might
smuggle biological or chemical weapons into this country, we're at one
level of border security. But the prospect of tourists slipping across the
border with a few joints in their toilet kits means we may have to kick it
up a notch?

Am I missing something? When was the last time a group of stoners burned
down anything bigger than their own campsite?

The Road To Perdition

Drug enforcement officials worry that relaxing penalties for marijuana use
in Canada will embolden traffickers to set up more smuggling operations
near the U.S. border. They also worry that teens in border states like
Michigan and New York will sneak into the provinces to get high.

To Canadians, of course, this is the quintessence of Yankee arrogance:
Expecting trade threats and Canadian police to do the work of negligent
American parents. (It's 10 o'clock: Do you know what country your child is in?)

I suspect the DEA is right, to a point. Decriminalizing Canadian pot likely
will lead to greater use in this country. But when push comes to shove, the
commercial realists in the Bush administration won't let the bluenoses
threaten a $62-billion trading relationship.

The likelier long-term consequence is that the United States will
eventually follow Canada and most of the European community in the
direction of decriminalization. And you know where that leads.

Just watch: In 10 years, we'll be using reefer tax revenues to pay for MEAP
scholarships.