BAN THAT BUTTER

The fat problem is obviously out of control. Obesity is a threat to life.
Therefore, let's treat fat people like we treat potheads and give them
tickets or throw them in jail. Let's use tough laws to combat trafficking
in known harmful substances such as butter, lard and ice cream. There is
absolutely no doubt that fat is a threat to health in Canada, so we should
take swift and harsh measures to combat fat. Whatever we're doing to combat
marijuana should be applied equally to all harmful substances that have no
place in human life other than to make people feel good. Ice cream and
butter are quite obviously very high on that list!

Patricia Schwarz,

Pasadena, Calif.

(We're allowed 15 grams of ice cream for personal use.)