SO, DO AMERICANS LET US OFF WHEN WE BREAK THE LAW IN THEIR COUNTRY?

CRUISE ship passengers who think they are above Bermuda law are the Major
Irritants of the week.

Friday's Royal Gazette was full of cruise ship visitors being fined $1,000
for cannabis importation. Defence lawyers -- swept off their feet by all the
extra work the cruise ships have brought in for them -- complained that
Bermuda is being too hard on the poor, sunburned dears.

All I can say is more power to the police and the magistrates. Why do these
people think the laws of Bermuda do not apply to themselves? If the laws say
no cannabis, then, no cannabis. No, not even a little bit. No, not even for
that bad back of yours. If the laws aren't right, it's up to Bermudians not
American tourists to challenge them.

A $1,000 fine is a light sentence. In some countries tourists who break the
law are given jail time or required to offer body parts as payment for their
misdeeds.

Why is it such a surprise that cannabis and other drugs are illegal in
Bermuda?

Aren't these drugs are illegal in most parts of the world including the
country the tourists came from?

Finally, Bermuda has found a way to wrench some money out of miserly cruise
ship passengers. Why shouldn't we profit from their stupidity and arrogance?
What we squeeze from them in drug fines is probably worth more than they
would spend on T-shirts and tea mugs on Front Street.

Sure, they bought small amounts this time, how much will they bring next
time? One visitor who wound up in court said she had been here "17 times
already". Presumably, she means she's been here 17 times before with drugs
and never been caught before. If the complaining defence lawyers want
Bermuda to be the next Amsterdam then they should be campaigning to change
locals laws, not advocating that Bermuda look the other way when people
break the laws.

I know what people will say, these tourists aren't hurting anyone. I
disagree. Have you seen the way these visitors drive mopeds when they're
sober? Now add drugs to the equation. Come to think of it, maybe drugs are
the problem.

They can't even ride down the South Shore without hitting something or
falling off. This morning I was riding down Front Street on my scooter when
two sets of tourists on rentals came to a meandering halt in the middle of
the road.

They weren't trying to turn. I don't know what they were doing, but I
couldn't overtake them for fear that they would ram me from behind (as
happened to my husband last week). I couldn't ride next to them because
their bikes drifted from one side of the road to the other.

Meanwhile, there was a car and a bus directly behind us. Eventually, they
found their accelerators again and were off. I've seen so many accidents
involving tourists that rental cycles automatically make my blood run cold.

It reminds me of an article in The Royal Gazette a few months ago, where a
tourist complained that he was badly treated by other motorists after he
flipped them the bird.

He was compelled to erect the digital bird, because the Bermudians on the
road were "yelling stuff" at him. What they were probably shouting were
helpful hints like: "Use your brakes, not your feet!" or "Indicate!
Indicate!"

And they were probably making that hissing noise Bermudians make whenever
they spot a tourist on a moped. "Sssss . . . no, not the accelerator! Look
out! Ssss . . . oh, no, a corner, he's gonna crash. Sssssss . . . he's gonna
crash!"

If I'm a passenger in the car behind one of these bikes I usually put my
hands over my eyes at this point. The last time I saw a tourist go skidding
down the road on his face, the image stuck in my mind for weeks.

Apparently, after this guy flipped the bird at passing motorists, he was
surprised when they chased him down to give him a piece of their minds.
Quite frankly, I think this guy had nerve to go to the newspapers and
complain. You poor snivelling thing. You mean, you weren't making an obscene
gesture with that finger after all. You had an accident when you were born
and your finger is permanently fixed that way . . . Yeah, right.

Bermuda has a right to demand that visitors respect the island's laws. The
laws aren't so wacky. They're very similar to laws in the United States,
Canada and England. If you are in the United States, you are certainly
expected to obey the laws there. If you are a tourist in America and you
park in the wrong place, you still have to pay the fine.

No American defence lawyer jumps up and says: "Your honour, we're being too
hard on these Bermudian visitors. We really need their money down at the
Cambridge Side Galleria mall."

And if you drive too fast, "Sorry officer, I'm a Bermudian. I didn't know
there were speed laws in America," will get you a free trip down to the
local jail, and possibly a long wait while authorities compare your photo to
world terrorism suspects.

Bermudians should be their usual friendly selves, but there is no reason to
grovel. When in Rome, act like the Romans, otherwise don't be surprised when
you get thrown to the lions.