FEDS WANT ME TO GO TO POT

I never really thought I'd get paid back on all those wages of sin. All
those dollars put into cigarette machines. But now it appears I am to get
them back. Just over 10 years ago on Nov. 23, 1992, I quit smoking. Cold
turkey.

I can't think of any other decision in my life that cost me more in
willpower and effort, and I'm sure that does not surprise. Take the
newspaper in front of you. Multiply it by three. I read three or four every
morning and I used to read them all with a cigarette each. Imagine the
mountain of newspapers. Imagine the amount of smoke. Imagine the ashes.

Of course I didn't quit reading newspapers, I quit smoking cigarettes. And
I have not truly missed it after the initial bouts of despair and anguish.
I no longer miss having smelly tobacco all over my clothes and my pillows,
and even my newspapers.

So here I am, having finally beaten a habit since college years, thanks to
some patches a kindly doctor prescribed for me, and the government comes
along and offers me what? A new habit.

Oh, you may not have heard. Tiptoeing delicately around the issue of
decriminalization of marijuana, the government has announced it proposes to
sell me pot at their special price of five dollars per gram. And it's
legal. Always look a gift horse in the mouth because it usually presents
vet bills to beggar the imagination. That seems like good advice to me.
Even in the case of a government gift it seems to come with interesting
complications. For example, a bad habit. A cruel addiction. And raised
eyebrows on the part of the neighbours (well, my neighbours, anyway).

I favour legalization as it would be, to put it mildly, a much stronger
dose of medicine for the entire illegal drug industry, which is not
insignificant.

It's true there are circumstances, I am told by doctors and colleagues
alike, that would be alleviated by a good hit off a reefer (update the word
"reefer" according to whichever college year you subscribe to - I usually
keep a '60s Webster on hand).

Anyway, there are apparently no cures (I'll find out!) but there is relief
available. I'm sure there are lots of you out there wondering why the
government wants to tear away from me my single most significant
achievement in life, which was taking back a modest degree of control by
stopping smoking. I suppose it's because they want what's left of me and
I'm just not going to give it to them.

If any of you out there are desperately in need of a five-buck-a-gram legal
habit, feel free to try to impersonate me.

There are people for whom this will be very welcome news because it's
desperately needed to help them cope with suffering.

Of course with six kids to raise and a life to get on with, it's not as if
I don't have my hands full without adding a roach clip. I don't need to
complicate my life with a smelly habit.

Out of all this I wonder if those who really, really need marijuana for
medicinal purposes will get it instead of somebody like me who doesn't
particularly want it but might just qualify, assuming I could find a doctor
who would prescribe it.

And if there comes a point in my life where it seems that marijuana is the
best solution to a medical problem, would I jump through hoops for a
government program or just count on a friend "scoring" some illegal street
stuff for me? I hear it's not that hard to get.

Maybe, at last, the politicians have devised a program that will force them
to earn their wages, sorting out all its problems.

At last, the wages of sin would be paid by somebody else.