PARENTS: MOVE PAST DENIAL OF DRUG ABUSE

Re: "Haddonfield teens going to extremes," May 27: I've lived in this
wonderful town for 28 years, been an active volunteer, and have
raised two children here. I still remember the day 12 years ago when
we confronted our oldest child with his substance abuse problem. His
response: "You can ground me all you want, but I can get anything I
want at school." My response was that he would not be returning to
Haddonfield Memorial High School. We are fortunate that we had the
resources to help our son, and so do most parents in town. We
recognized the problem and took appropriate action.

In the years since then, I went to graduate school and am now a
clinical social worker. In facilitating parent education groups, I am
constantly amazed that so many parents are in the "not my child"
category. Even in the groups where parents are mandated to attend due
to their children's already documented experimentation, they are still
in denial: It was just that one time; she was just holding it for
someone else, etc. I remember one parent who resisted substance abuse
counseling for a teen ended up in treatment and actually signed up for
additional counselling.

Why are we in such denial? We want to believe that our children would
not harm themselves or others, and admitting a problem means that they
are not perfect. It means that we, as parents entrusted with their
healthy upbringing, must have failed. The fact is that we fail them
when we turn a blind eye to their dangerous behaviors.

What are the answers? It lies with the parents. We need to tell our
neighbors and the police that we will be away and to do a house check.
It means not trusting our children with adult decisions. It means
setting a good example and sticking to our values, even if it means
that we're not popular with our children's friends.

We need to admit there is a problem before we can make any changes...
just like they do in the 12-step programs.

GINNY DECKER DELONG

Haddonfield