HOT POTATO

Boy, Sheriff Pat Hedges is really starting to piss me off.

I don't need to tell you about the commotion kicked up by the SLO County
Sheriff's Department over the Jay Anthony Vestal incident, but I will anyway.

After sheriff's deputies subdued Vestal last Monday, four of them sat on
him until he was dead. He shouted, "I can't breather!" a couple times, but
the deputies must have thought he said, "I've got a gun and I'm going to
kill you all!" which would explain why they pushed his face into the dirt
until he suffocated.

No it wouldn't. It's a little hard to believe tat threats from anyone lying
prone on the ground with their hands tied behind their back and four cops
sitting on them could be taken seriously, no matter how vociferously they
yelled. By all witness accounts, Vestal was only informing the cops about
rudimentary human physiology, which they apparently know nothing about.

Since then, Sheriff Pat Hedges has played the media with masterful
symphonic aplomb as he's leaked selective bits and pieces of information to
exonerate his troops.

The coroner, sayeth the sheriff, has determined that Vestal had residual
drugs in his system. Ah-ha! (we're all supposed to think), he was a crazed
drug addict, and we all know that druggies have it coming. But then logic
enters: Drugs stay in your system for days, some for weeks. Vestal's
behavior was cooperative according to witnesses, so where's the relevance here?

Hedges also says Vestal was a member of a motorcycle gang. Ah, yes, a gang
of biker outlaws, dirty and dangerous and downright scary. Guys like that
have it coming, too.

But, here's the logic again: There aren't any criminal motorcycle "gangs"
anymore like the Hell's Angels, who are all in their 70s by now,
remembering the good old days of Altamont. There are motorcycle clubs that
roar noisily around, but so what? My lawyer's a member of one, and the only
things he's ever held up was the proceedings.

Hedges must think we're all idiots. His selective data and piecemeal
information is so obviously self-serving and insulting, intended to
discredit a dead man, while buffing his deputies like shiny badges. If he's
going to release details, let's have all of them, including those that
might not cast such a becoming light on the department. How naive of me,
you're thinking. He wouldn't do that.

Of course, he wouldn't. And that's the whole point. If you're going to tell
us what happened, Pat, tell us or else keep you're mouth shut until your
investigation's complete.

The case has taken some turns far odder than any I make on the way to the
liquor store. The DA has been mum on the whole thing, allowing Hedges to do
his media manipulations. Having the department investigate itself, is, of
course, the height of folly lost in the depths of stupidity, and will no
doubt produce a report clearing the four dog-piling deputies of any
wrong-doing. Imagine me doing an investigation of how brilliant this column is.

More logic: District Attorney Gerald Shea should be directly involved in
the investigation, if for no other reason than to give the appearance of
upholding the rights of "the people," which is his job, now that I think of
it. Vestal was one of the people. He deserves as much.

The chain of command in matters like this starts with the sheriff, then
goes to the DA, then the attorney general, then the FBI. That means Hedges
should button his mouth hole, do an investigation such as it is then give
it to the DA who can do his own investigation. If he thinks there might be
a conflict of interest, with Pat working for the same county and all, the
attorney general, who can call in the FBI if he thinks they'll do more good
than harm, depending on the amount of cases and coffee they're having.

But silly me for being logical. In this case, the chain of command is
skee-jawed and haywire. Hedges has decided to bring in the FBI without
consulting the DA, perhaps because Vestal was a federal employee at the
post office, but I doubt it. Mulder and Scully don't show up every time a
mailman dies. What Shea thinks of this remains puzzling, and I bet he'd
like someone to scratch his head for him, what with his hands being tied,
or whatever his excuse might be for such circumspection. He's becoming
infamous for what he doesn't say, approaching this controversy with all the
enthusiasm I exhibit when asked to attend church, which is understandable
but unforgivable.

It's a mess that nobody wants to deal with. The FBI is probably thinking,
"Thanks a lot, guys we're supposed to be busting Colombian cartels and
covering things at Roswell!" Hedges and Shea would love to whole thing off
their plates and down the garbage disposal, plates and all, while the
attorney general no doubt hopes we'll straighten it all out so he can go
back to his golf game.

To be fair, I bet all these players would like to go back in time and keep
Vestal's death from happening. No matter what he did, he didn't deserve to
die, and I think they know that. But they can't. They have to deal with it
straight up wit no chaser. I wish they would.