POT FICTION

EDITOR: I got baked with [my opponent] Kollin Min just the other day
before a candidates' forum ["City Council Candidates Say the Darnedest
Things!," Sept 4]. He took me out back and pulled a spliff out of his
sock. We smoked it, and discussed the merits of Initiative 75:

Christal Wood: Getting a lot of questions about I-75?

Kollin Min: Yeah--I just say no. [Laughs hysterically.]

CW: Kollin, you've got to be on drugs to think the War on Drugs is
working. Everybody knows it--unless you're a prison owner.

KM: Psss-ss-sss [trying to laugh, but keep his toke
in]--here.

CW: It doesn't make sense. There is no evidence that pot is especially
harmful to anyone's health--in fact, it has health benefits and leaves
your motor skills unimpaired. How can a nation that repealed alcohol
prohibition not legalize and regulate weed? There are over-the-counter
cold medicines more hallucinogenic, and more lethal. How come doctors
can prescribe morphine, Valium, Demerol, and OxyContin--but not THC?

KM: You're high and you're taking it all too seriously.

CW: You roll pregnant joints.

KM: So what do you think of I-75?

CW: I'll probably vote for it, but it doesn't go far enough. We're
being cowardly. "Lowest priority"? Please. How fairly are cops on the
street really going to interpret that? I've been advocating for
refusal to enforce federal MJ law since 2001, based on local
sovereignty. Constitutionally, the main enforcement right Congress has
to regulate any trade is when it crosses state lines. We could totally
set precedent for the rest of the nation in taking a stronger stance
on what, and in what quantities, we allow to be grown and
traded--taxed, even--within city limits.

KM: And that's why you'll be an "also-ran."

CW: Over a million people, Kollin--a million!--are in our federal
prison system for nonviolent drug crimes. The absurdity, the cost, the
waste of human potential is mind-blowing. Dude, we should just have a
big friggin' smoke-out--right in front of the Federal Building!

KM: No more for you [taking a long drag before stubbing the roach out
with his shoe]. You're stoned.

CW: And you're a stoned hypocrite. Over 50 percent of those nonviolent
prisoners are people of color. Doesn't it bother you just a little
bit, Kollin?

KM: Are you kidding? I'm a lawyer, Christal, and an Asian. We
represent the smallest ethnic subset of the prison population next to
Native Americans. Besides, no one's gonna take you seriously when you
say that kind of stuff as a candidate. I'm going for the mainstream
vote.

CW: Oh, right. Your position's up; you better go in there and wipe
that silly smile off your face. I don't mean to be off-color, but
maybe you shouldn't have gotten high before giving your address--your
eyes look kind of squinty now.

KM: Har, har, har. Shut up before I set fire to those tired braids. I
hope they have food at this thing....

Christal Wood

Candidate for City Council