HUB POLICE MUST END THE REEFER MADNESS

Here's a novel thought for the Boston Police Department at tomorrow's
annual marijuana smoke-in on the Common.

Arrest some people!

For once, why don't the cops enforce the law? If you see these dirty
scraggly losers stumbling around, stoned out of their minds, trying to fire
up yet another spliff, slap the cuffs on them.

It's still against the law to smoke pot. I'm not kidding. You could look it up.

For awhile, it seemed possible that Isabel would step in where flatfeet
dare not tread, but alas, the hurricane is apparently going to be a
no-show. And so the stoners will all be coming into town for the ``Freedom
Rally,'' as it's called.

The organizers describe it as ``the largest anti-war on marijuana users
event east of Seattle's Hempfest.

''Wow! In our fair city. What an honor. It starts at high noon - get it?
High noon. Tommy Chong, unfortunately, won't be able to make it. He's doing
nine more months. If you ask these people, he's, like, a, political
prisoner, man. Like, did you know that George Washington grew hemp, dude?

Of course they have a right to exercise their First Amendment rights to
free speech. But why do they have to ruin a nice late-summer Saturday
afternoon for everybody else?

The press release says 50,000 burnouts will be attending. They're going to
have 35 port-a-potties. Do the math - and hold your nose if you have the
misfortune to find yourself on Tremont or Beacon streets.

A lot of the idiots coming in will be kids, Goth losers from high school.
High school - get it, dude? Beavis and Butthead will be coming in on the
train, and they won't be able to wait to get high until they get to the
Common. No, they'll be smoking on the subways and the commuter-rail lines.

The speakers will include Ed Rosenthal, who is described as "an authority
on marijuana,'' and indeed he is, according to the organizers, having been
convicted in January "of three counts of cultivation and conspiracy.''Cool,
man.

Also expected to speak are Boston city councilors (and Dixie Chicks fans)
Felix Arroyo and Chuck Turner, a man who knows much about civil
disobedience, especially when it comes to the traffic laws of the commonwealth.

Oddly, given the presence of Councilors Arroyo and Turner, the Dixie Chicks
will not be performing. There will, however, be local bands, including one
named Waltham (were they formerly known as Keno?) and a group called
Scissorfight, featuring the lead singer Iron Lung.

Officers, arrest that hippie!

One of the panels is on that ever-popular subject, "Busted! What to do if
it happens to you?''

Simple. Call Mommy and Daddy, like you always do.

If the TV stations cover the rally tomorrow, listen to the speakers. When
Ed Rosenthal or somebody comes to one of his applause lines - "And that's
why I, like, demand, not a chicken in every pot, but pot in every pot!'' -
see if you can notice how long it takes the stoned-out crowd to start
applauding. That's because they're a step slow. The lights are on, but
nobody's home.

And these freaks claim THC is good for you?

They want to legalize pot, but apparently they can't be bothered with going
out and getting signatures to put a referendum question on the ballot. That
would be, like, work, man. Bummer.

Cops, do us all a favor tomorrow, and start enforcing the law. Not only is
it time, it's high time.